Single Mothers Bitter.....Or Just Fed Up with Disappointment

Single mothers are expected to endure everything while working, raising children, and holding down the house. People don't seem to care because they view single mothers as irresponsible or stupid for not picking the perfect man. Nobody goes out and chose a deadbeat on purpose. Nobody goes out and deliberately chose a man that is unworthy unless they are suffering from mental health problems. "You picked the wrong man, you had children too young, you put yourself in this situation", is a constant reminder from people that think they are in positions to discipline single mothers.

Many times, the mother never had positive examples of what a father is suppose to be. In many urban communities, the father is absent or he is in the home abusing the mother mentally and physically. Another example is a working father that comes homes and isolates himself from his family. Maybe he's too tired to engage and would rather watch sports and hide in a man cave. It's hard to understand what a man is suppose to do and how a real man is suppose to act if you haven't seen many positive examples in your childhood.

I take full responsible and hold myself accountable, but this should not be an excuse for a man to not be responsible.
We have to endure a lot of public backlash and humiliation. This is what most people do, instead of holding both parents responsibility. Like the old chant when I was a kid "boys do the dirty work, girls take the blame"

When you label a mother as bitter, especially a single mother, you must ask yourself..... Is she really bitter, or just serious and not playing games with her her life and the life of her offspring? Is she really bitter or has she learned from prior mishaps and mistakes. Is she really bitter, or is she more focused. Is she bitter, or is she holding men accountable for not being responsible men.

Homeless Single Mothers in Poverty

Many women are struggling in states and cities with no rent control. Many single mothers are left alone in poverty with limited help. I'm sure people will blame the women for getting pregnant by the wrong man, or by laying down with a dead beat. It's easy to blame women, and give men a pass for child abandonment, however the bigger picture is that many women and children are suffering. In most states the weather is cold and many have to reside in shelters to avoid being outdoors. I've been in a few groups on Facebook that are full of suffering women trying to climb out of the pits of  poverty. Some were abandoned by their husbands, ex boyfriends and family members. I know it's easy to say that these women are the cause of their own pain, but my heart goes out to these women. I know how hard it is to struggle with no help and be expected to stay mentally stable while caring for a young child. This is a very tough time of year especially with many people experiencing SAD. (Seasonal Depression) This is a time of year when children need new winter clothing and jackets. Children expect Christmas presents, even if you don't celebrate holidays. It can also be very mentally draining if you are not around family or in another state away from family. I've seen so many women in help groups need access to hotel vouchers, emergency shelters, and emergency money for Move in fees for apartment. I just wanted to get this off my chest because this has been on my heart.

Men that wanna be Fathers when it's convenient for them

The hardest part about being a parent, is having to do the majority of the work on your own when you and your ex spouse agreed that they would help after the split. This is not fair to a child to have a  mother that is constantly tired and overwhelmed. Not just physically overwhelmed, but financially and mentally overwhelmed. The absent parent is usually not concerned with the well being of the child or the mental health of the struggling mother. An absent father usually want to be involved when he/she is feeling guilty or when it is convenient for them. Absent fathers are involved when it fits their schedule, when they feel like it, or when they are not holding a grudge. It's not fair for the child, when he only is able to feel his father's love during sporting events or engagements like proms or graduations. The parent with full custody is responsible for taking the child/children to doctors appointments, school conferences, recreational events, and making sure they have food and clean clothing daily. The absent father is only available when he feels guilty or when it benefits him. For example, a dead beat parent will pick his children up during the holidays to show off the children as prizes or ornaments. Or the dead beat father will show up at football games or little league baseball games to play the proud father role. It's all fake to make the dead beat parent feel good about themselves. More than anything, it's not fair to the child, the child will grow to resent the dead beat parent because the child will begin to understand that he/she is only being used by the absent father.

Did Welfare replace black fathers, or did fathers abandon their families by choice

Many people believe that the welfare system was set up to put black men out of the home so that black women would suffer and suffer in poverty. There are conscious community followers that believe black women put good black men out of the home in order to get food-stamps and cash aid from the government. My question is: Why would a woman put out a good hardworking man that she loves to suffer in poverty?

 I can't say that welfare was set up for this reason. Welfare was not started for black women. We need to stop believing these lies that the government wanted to give black women welfare so that the father/husband could be put out of the home. Many women needed welfare to survive when the husband died, abandoned the family, or when times got too hard and money was not available. There were women that lost their husband in death and had no insurance, as a result they had to sign up for welfare. There were men that chose drugs, crime or other women over their family.

The excuse for women being on welfare only makes the absent father or negligent husband look good. Now, a worthless no good man can leave his family, then tell the world that he was put out because of welfare. No woman is putting out a good hard working provider for crumbs. If your wife is willing to divorce you for some crumbs and some food stamps that come on an ebt card once a month, chances are, you were not providing. We need to stop with the excuses and face the facts and deal with the truth. Fabricating the truth will not change the facts. Many women needed welfare back then, and still today because they need help financially. I don't agree with welfare being a long term income, but there are women that would be homeless and hungry if it wasn't for welfare. Furthermore, the welfare system doesn't allow women to stay on the system forever. Women are encouraged to attend school, ready for work programs, or learn a trade There are time limits. No women or man can depend on welfare because there are time limits to how long you can receive assistant. We are not living in the 1960's. Things have changed.