Domestic Violence Awareness and why women feel Obligated To Stay

When we think of Domestic violence we tend to think of movies like Enough starring Jennifer Lopez, or Sleeping with the Enemy. In movies like this, the victim fights back and escape as the hero. In real life, stories of domestic violence don't usually end like the movies. Unfortunately, victims of domestic violence have to escape with their children and hide out in a battered women's shelter. Some victims stay with the abuser out of fear.

People often believe that women want to stay with their abuser because they are deep in love. Even if the victim is in love with her abuser, it is still not a reason to blame the victim. This is a form of Stockholm syndrome, in which the victim sympathize with their abuser and never reach out for help. The victim also sees the abuser as a victim and will make up excuses for him. Maybe he was abused as a child and the victim sympathize with him.

Victims stay for many reasons. In many cases the victim don't have a support system or family to rely on. Financial dependency is one of the reasons that victims are afraid to venture out of the relationship. Many victims of domestic violence have a family history of abuse and neglect. They may have seen their mom, aunts, or older neighbors get mentally and physically abused. In these cases, the victim feels as if mental and physical abuse is normal. They may view  physical abuse as a life circumstance that cannot be avoided.

It is common for abusers to isolate the victim from their family and friends in order to mentally control them. Without family support, the victim will feel more challenged to leave the abuser.
Usually feeling isolated and believing that the abuser is the only person she can depend on. Telling a  victim that nobody love them, or nobody cares about them is a mental game that abusers use to mentally control their victim. The abuser will break down the victim's self esteem and make them feel as if they deserve the abuse. The abuser may have convinced people around him that he is a decent person, and the victim is the combative one in the relationship. A classic case of a narcissist.

Women are not enjoying their time with the abuser as some people have assume. Victims live in isolation and fear. Victims tend to stay because of  lack of self love, lack of resources, dependency,  no family support and fear of being harmed for trying to escape. Never assume that a victim wanna be with their abuser. If you know someone that is being abused, be supportive and help them find a way out.

The reactions from Survivng R.Kelly proves why Victims are Afraid to Come Forward

The reactions all over social media about Surviving R. Kelly shows why victims walk around in shame and never come forward. All over twitter/FB/YouTube, I've seen people accusing the victims of being fast ass girls, liars, hungry for fame, or blaming the parents. I can agree that the parents should have been more responsible with their children, the abused women are still victims. While watching Surviving R. Kelly I listened to testimonies that were more than just statutorily rape. I listened to stories of  mental abuse, domestic violence, and alienation. These victims all appeared to be weak and vulnerable while being involved with R. Kelly who is a powerful public figure. He is a superstar. Whether these young women were star struck or just weak for love and validation. They are still victims. Those women cried. I could see the pain in their faces as they relived the horror. Some people still think the abused women got what they wanted or that the woman are just seeking revenge. This is why abused people don't speak out, because they get the blame. So many victims get ridiculed for speaking out.

People are blaming the women saying things like: They were just desperate for money or they forced themselves on R. Kelly. This man used his money and authority to mentally damage these women. He may not be able to read very well. But he knew how to use mind manipulation to break down his victims. The same way most abusers keep their victims hostage. The same way an abusive man keeps his wife in a violent home.

Child Abuse Prevention and why are so Many Abusers Walking Free

This weekend I watched an episode of Iyanla Fix my Life. It was an episode that revealed a young woman that was molested by her Grandfather. The victim told her mother about the abuse, but it was covered up. The abused victim was told as a child, to never reveal what the grandfather had done. The grandfather was able to abuse the young woman and never serve jail time. This is sickening and disturbing. What is more disturbing, is that this story happens very often. Some victims never tell because they live in a paralyzing fear. They fear the victim. If the victim is a child, they will continue to take the abuse because they don't want to challenge an adult.

A child being abused is usually threatened. The abuser will usually tell the child that they will kill the family if the secret is exposed. Children sometimes don't know that the abuse is wrong, because the abuser will convince the child, that the sexual acts or okay. Or the abuser will bribe the child with gifts or money in order to keep the secret and have access to the innocent child.

So many family members have covered up the abuse. Sometimes a mother will not believe the stepfather because the stepfather is the breadwinner and she is afraid to be without the Stepfather. Although the stepfather is abusing the child, the mother may shut it out of her reality. The mother will block out reality and convince her child that the abuse didn't happen. Or the child is sexually abused by an uncle or an older brother and the mom doesn't want the abuser to spend time in prison. As a result, the child is left with permanent scars and years of rumination on the incident The child is left with many years of mental suffering, and may never get the tools that he/she needs to cope. This is traumatizing and the emotional scaring may never be repaired. So many victims not only live in fear for themselves, but they grow and live in fear of the same thing happening to their children. If more families would protect children and stop living by this code of protecting abusers, these abusers would stop harming children. I wish I could see more child abusers on the news getting a life sentence in prison or the death penalty to send out the message, that your life will be ruined if your sexually abuse a child.