A deadbeat's Favorite Excuse for Being an Absent Dad

Women, be very cautious and suspect when a man says "I can't see my children, or "She won't let me see my kids". Or "She won't tell me were she live with my kids".

Issues like this can be resolved in court and it doesn't cost money for a man to file paperwork for visitations and joint custody.
In many cases, the mother has a restraining order on the father because of violence or vandalism of property. A judge will normally allow visitations even if the father is behind in child support or has been to prison. The judge will make arrangements for monitored visitations. Even drug addicts and men with mental health problems are allowed to see their children under monitored visitations.
These men are not telling you the full story. They are not telling you about the domestic violence, stalking, threatening text messages, and vandalizing property that led up to restraining orders. Even still they can get monitored visitations.
But it's always easy to just "She Won't Let Me" to avoid explaining that you have a history of abuse and neglect.

If a father wants to see his children, and he claims he is dealing with a difficult woman, he can always go to court. He can petition the court for visitations and joint custody. There are relationships that ended sour for whatever reasons, however a child should have both parents in their lives. It is not fair for a father to be absent. It is also unfair for a mother to isolate the children from the father for personal reasons, but if their is a history of violence, stalking, and vandalism, the mother has every right to protect herself/child/property from a violent father. From that point the parents need to deal with court system and have a mediator. 

Domestic Violence Awareness and why women feel Obligated To Stay

When we think of Domestic violence we tend to think of movies like Enough starring Jennifer Lopez, or Sleeping with the Enemy. In movies like this, the victim fights back and escape as the hero. In real life, stories of domestic violence don't usually end like the movies. Unfortunately, victims of domestic violence have to escape with their children and hide out in a battered women's shelter. Some victims stay with the abuser out of fear.

People often believe that women want to stay with their abuser because they are deep in love. Even if the victim is in love with her abuser, it is still not a reason to blame the victim. This is a form of Stockholm syndrome, in which the victim sympathize with their abuser and never reach out for help. The victim also sees the abuser as a victim and will make up excuses for him. Maybe he was abused as a child and the victim sympathize with him.

Victims stay for many reasons. In many cases the victim don't have a support system or family to rely on. Financial dependency is one of the reasons that victims are afraid to venture out of the relationship. Many victims of domestic violence have a family history of abuse and neglect. They may have seen their mom, aunts, or older neighbors get mentally and physically abused. In these cases, the victim feels as if mental and physical abuse is normal. They may view  physical abuse as a life circumstance that cannot be avoided.

It is common for abusers to isolate the victim from their family and friends in order to mentally control them. Without family support, the victim will feel more challenged to leave the abuser.
Usually feeling isolated and believing that the abuser is the only person she can depend on. Telling a  victim that nobody love them, or nobody cares about them is a mental game that abusers use to mentally control their victim. The abuser will break down the victim's self esteem and make them feel as if they deserve the abuse. The abuser may have convinced people around him that he is a decent person, and the victim is the combative one in the relationship. A classic case of a narcissist.

Women are not enjoying their time with the abuser as some people have assume. Victims live in isolation and fear. Victims tend to stay because of  lack of self love, lack of resources, dependency,  no family support and fear of being harmed for trying to escape. Never assume that a victim wanna be with their abuser. If you know someone that is being abused, be supportive and help them find a way out.

Pain and Abuse, Let's talk about Domestic Violence (Part 1)

Victims of Domestic Violence in the Black community have been thrown under the  carpet for years. Women are being beaten down physically, mentally, and verbally without any help from the black family. The misconception that women can leave a violent relationship at any time is a myth. Some women are afraid to leave and some have been murdered for trying to get away for their abusers. Many women have nowhere to go and have been isolated from friends and family. Onlookers must take into consideration that many abusers keep their victims submissive and usually without resources or a means to get out. Some abused women have been abused for so long that they have become immune to abuse.

When young women children witness abuse in the home, they grow to feel like it's natural even though what they witnessed was painful. That is why so many women  get comfortable as a victim, because the abuse is close to home like putting on a pair of slippers. Even if they are slapped and hit everyday, they feel the physical pain, but they expect it. It's sad that women get into relationships and they already expect to be abused. They expect to be verbally and mentally abused. Some are so emotionally numb to this type of pain that they don't run with they see signs. Throughout my life I have witnessed so many other women in our black communities being abused by men. This behavior becomes expected to many victims of violence. It is easy to tell a woman to leave. Both just like the abuser, the victim is mentally weak and sometimes don't think leaving is an option.