Growing up, I recall being happy and carefree. Even though I went through hardships, I still remember being happy and full of life. Like most children, I had dreams and goals that thought about. how life would be as an adult. I wanted to travel, go away to college, party, then settle down with a wealthy husband that would worship the ground I walked upon. That all sounded good, and looking back probably unrealistic. Regardless I was happy and enjoyed life up until my late teens when I became a mother. Yep, I suffered from bouts of postpartum depression but never was diagnosed. Back then, postpartum depression was still a taboo subject that everyone was told to just pray about. Things got worse over time as I began working, being a single mother, then an abusive relationship. I feel deep into depression. A deep dark depression. Some days I felt like I was buried alive. Physically living, but my soul was dead. I was just shifting through life with no purpose, no meaning. Working day to day just to pay bills, then waking up every morning feeling defeated. I would wake up tired and had to drag myself out of bed daily.
I would sit and think "How did it get like this" I use to be happy. I use to love life and have friends. I use to look forward to hanging out, laughing and being social. I couldn't find myself. I couldn't find that happy person. I was somebody different. I was depressed but couldn't figure out why.
Growing up as a child, no one looks forward to suffering from depression. Who prepares for depression or other mental health issues? I never heard of a class growing up that prepares children for depression. Depression was never really spoken about it. It was something that just comes from out of nowhere like a fucking wrecking ball. What happened to the good ol' days. What happened to laughing and telling jokes with friends? What happened to listening to loud music, feeling happy and looking forward to a prosperous future. I'm still fighting for the dream I had as a child. My dream was to simply be happy.
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