Large plus size women should never lower their standards to get a date or long term spouse

                         

I would advise any plus size woman not to lower her standards to attract a spouse or get a date. Men are speaking out negatively against plus size women and telling plus size women to stop being picky and get whatever man they can get or they will end up lonely without a companion. Women are being shamed into dating a man not on her financial or education level.  If she does not want to date a low wage worker or a man with a criminal record, that is her choice and she should not be shamed because of her weight. It is not easy to land a spouse at any size, so why are plus size women being told to lower stands and accept any man regardless of them not being compatible. 

The people that are encouraging overweight women to settle for a man with no resources are usually people that suffer from fat phobia and think large women are beneath them. These are the type of people that think larger people (especially women) are less than human and should be treated as an underclass. I recently read a post on a social media site where a woman stated that fat women are likely to be mistreated by men because fat women suffer from low self esteem and accept any type of treatment. This comment was made due to fat phobia and people believing that large women hate themselves and accept any type of treatment. These types of people believe they are better than large women and that large women should be mistreated. This poster never said that men are wrong for mistreating large women, but her post was basically saying that men are entitled to treat women poorly based on size. This is why I often tell plus size women to be very selective and cautious about who they date because some men actually believe overweight women are beneath them and should be treated like a second class citizen. They believe in using larger women for sex and other perks while not being seen with her in public due to their fat phobia.

Women with low self esteem are not limited to overweight women. Self esteem is not only about your outside looks or weight. Self esteem is developed by how you view yourself as a whole. A woman can build her self esteem by accomplishing goals, having a supportive family, having an education, owning a business, taking care of her mental health ect. I can go on and on about self esteem, but I must say that self esteem is not all about what a person looks like. I believe people that suffer from fat phobia have a weird obsession with overweight women and want overweight people to have low self esteem so it will fit their narrative that overweight people are beneath them.

Thin women, can have low self esteem, but that does not mean they should be treated less than. Women that look like fashion models, instagram models, or regular average women can have low self esteem. My point is no human should be treated in a demeaning manner based on their looks, disabilities, or social class. I have seen too many disrespectful posts about plus size women coming from men and women. Referring to large women as Big Shirley, linebackers, and other degrading names have allowed people that suffer from fat phobia to bond together and use large women as a verbal punching bag. Why? I'll tell you why. These people are similar to children in elementary school that performed low and made terrible grades, so they tried to make a mockery of the children that were excelling in classes by calling them nerds or teachers pet. They feel good when they are degrading someone because they see larger people as less than them and easy targets. Many have been taught it is okay to laugh and mock plus size people. These are people that are lacking in areas of their life, but instead of fixing their own problems and insecurities they use their fat phobic jokes and name calling as a coping method. 

I have seen posts of thin people speaking on how large women should feel about themselves or how they view themselves. How can a person that does not live in a large body tell large people how they are supposed to feel about themselves? Large women that feel bad about their appearance, usually feel that way because of discrimination, being mocked by fat phobic people and images put in the media to ridicule plus size people.

Encouraging women to date men out of desperation is dangerous because that is a set up for failure as well as mental abuse. If a man does not want to date a woman because of her size, that is fine, however the mocking, bodyhaming, using large women as a verbal punching bag is never ok.

Social Media influencers with cult like followers claiming to be femininity coaches and passport brothers

 As social media becomes more popular and addictive, more people online gravitate to social media influencers for dating advice, decorating tips, celebrity gossip, and marriage problems. Many influencers grow an audience that behaves like a small cult after hearing the influencers opinions on trending subjects. People began to follow these influencers and hang on to their every word of advice and rely on them to make decisions for them. Even if we enjoy influencers topics and their input on subjects, we must use logic, and take every word with a grain of salt we hear online. 

For instance, we have groups like the passport brothers that encourage their followers to avoid  women in America  (especially black women) and seek submissive women in 3rd world countries overseas. Many of these men are hurt, scorned, and bitter after dating women that would not submit to their needs or wouldn't put their goals and dreams on hold to cater their fragile egos. Many of these men have narcissistic personality traits and are willing to travel out of the country to meet women that will treat them like a delicacy and obey them as if they are royalty. These men believe that going overseas to date or marry women is more convenient because women here in the States have higher standards, are too educated and too independent. So they encourage men to travel for dating and sexual escapades because women here in the states are not desperate enough. These men want women to compete for them by telling us we will end up lonely and die alone. This is a scare tactic that these influencers are using on women to get them to "behave" in a way that makes men feel honored and needed

We also have femininity coaches and woman dating coaches that gain a following then start giving out advice based on what they think their followers want to hear and what is going to keep getting them likes and views for monetary gain. These are women telling other women they should be submissive to men, cater to men, and feminize themselves and soften their behavior to impress men. This thinking is backwards and harmful to women. It is harmful because women are being told to change who they are to land a man. Why should a successful woman with a great career have to downplay her education and qualities to land a man. Why should a woman downplay being a homeowner or a frequent traveler because it will make her look too independent for a man.  As women, we should not be told how to submit in ways that make us lessen our own values and beliefs. We should know how to respect, love, and support our spouses without having to play a submissive role when we were not raised to be submissive. As grown women, we should not have to mute ourselves or change our character to make a man feel comfortable while suppressing our thoughts and ideas. This is what these particular influencers are pushing.

These type of influencers are usually not educated coaches and counselors. I do not hear them speaking of having psychology degrees or an education in family/marriage counseling from an accredited school. Many of these women are not married, never have been married but believe they have the secret recipe on how to get a man and keep him happy. These are usually women seeking attention by discipling other women in the presence of men to gain lies. They help men build their self esteem while taunting women are criticising them by saying we are not worthy unless we submit and live as women did in the early 1900s. 

I have no advice on how to get or keep a man. I do not believe there is some quick packaging that can be sold to land a man. Even with advice, every man is different and we all connect with people for different unique reasons. We cannot keep allowing influencers to plant seeds in our heads that make us question our beliefs or true values that we should stand on.

Why Serial Daters and Players get played by smart experienced women

 Many men are constantly on the hunt for new women to conquer as prey. Usually for sex, to use as a trophy piece or to impress friend/colleagues. Many would consider these men players, womanizers, or serial daters. These types of men see women as objects to be used and disposed. They see women as objects and not humans with emotions, feelings. and personal needs. They see women as objects to be used for sex, to fulfill a mental void,  or for momentarily ego stroking. 

With men being so open online all over social media about how they view women, women have gotten the memo. We have gotten the memo and have learned how to play the same dating games that men play. Not because we are in a competition with men, but because we refuse to be on the short end of the stick when it comes to dating. We are no longer falling for the "I'm going through a messy divorce" or "I'd rather just come hang out at your house" or "I'm just looking to meet new people, but nothin serious". Smart women do not fall victim to love bombing, gas lighting, and narcissistic men that are only out for ego stroking and doses of romance to get them through their loneliness.  Yes, smart women have made mistakes in dating and even got their hopes up to high with the wrong men, however smart women have learned how to watch for red flags. These red flags can be anger issues, narcissist personality traits, and men that look to demean women and use us as sex objects. Smart women know how to enjoy the first few dates, have fun, live in the moment, then move on. Women are no longer being tricked and manipulated into situationships that have no meaning. These situationships are usually a man treating a woman to a few dates, sending "good morning beautiful texts", then pressuring her for casual sex but no real friendship, commitment or plans for a future. These types of serial daters feel as if women are obligated to sleep with them because they have shown a small amount of interest. Men will lie while trying to use the gift of gab to corner a woman into his bedroom. They usually use love bombing, money, or intimidation to lure women into their web. By intimidation, they may tell a woman she must have low self esteem if she is not interested in sex. Or they will tell a woman that men have more opportunities in the dating world to make a woman feel like she has no other alternatives to find a mate. 

Smart women with experience know how to maneuver through love bombing serial daters. Smart women only date for causal intimacy, dinners, company, and social engagement. Smart women know how to get more out of the situationship without getting used or hurt. Women have learned from past experiences and now navigate through the messy dating world much differently in their mid life than they did in their 20's and 30's.  Unless a woman is looking to marry soon, she should be more focused on her career, education, having fun, bonding with close friends, traveling, and exploring new hobbies. If a guy is only out for self pleasure while dated, he should be ghosted immediately. Losing sleep and having emotional setbacks because some womanizing serial dater wants to find a new toy is so outdated.

Intimate Friends or Friends with benefits is a waste of time for women

We all have heard the saying "Friends with Benefits" or "Intimate Friends". These terms describe relationships where there is no commitment or responsibilities for either parties involved.  These situations usually start out as casual fun and sex between two people in lust. Eventually feelings develop or anticipation of a fulltime relationship may seem like a goal. These type of relationships should not last for long and should be treated as temporary flings. Some women find themselves thinking the guy is their actual friend they can call when they have emergencies or when they find themselves in trouble. The truth is, most women will find out that "Friends with Benefits" is only a cute term for two people that are sleeping together without the responsibilities of being in a real relationship. Men take advantage of these type of situations by leading a woman to think she will be his  girlfriend or if she keeps giving up her body he will eventually develop feelings and commit. This is all a game and the guy is usually sleeping with multiple women while lying and manipulating them all. Or he has a fulltime girlfriend/wife he is cheating on, so he would rather keep things casual.  He cannot commit and he is really in love with himself. He is in love with having his needs met by more than one woman.

If you cannot call a man for food, money, a ride, or just to vent, he is not your friend. If you cannot hang out with him without sex being involved, then he is not a friend. If he treat you like a burden after sex, he is not a friend. "Friends with Benefits" or "Intimate Friends" is just a cute terms that means two people have sex with no commitment. 

Too Depressed To Date

Sometimes depression rules over our life, which include are social life and love life. When living with depression, we may not feel good about our self or have the energy to meet and mingle with new people. Even when we are approached with potential dating mates, we tend to push them to the back of the line. Usually because we look at dating or hanging out with new people as a chore. We have to plan dates, get dressed, groom ourselves and travel to destinations just to meet up. That is too much work and effort for a depressed person. A fun night for a depressed person is reading, listening to music or binge watching NetFlix all night.

Dating takes us our of our comfort zone. When depressed, we usually want to stay home and be isolated. We don't want to text back and forth or get dressed up for a night at the movies. In addition, we already see failure in a person. We already anticipate the relationship not working in our favor. Depression will make you self sabotage or judge a situation before it even gets started. Depression will make us doubt the person we are dating and questions their intentions. So instead of dating and taking a chance, depression will tell you to get rid of the person and ignore every text or call. This is our way of preserving our time, heart and feelings. Instead of hanging out and enjoying a fling or finding a new spouse, our depression will sometimes not allow us to get pass the dating phase. Hard to find true love when your depression eats up all of your energy.

Why men pass up single mothers as dating options

I see a lot of men complaining about dating single mothers or saying they avoid dating single mothers because we are so busy. Their reasons are usually because mothers have tight schedules when they have children and can't constantly entertain men.

The issue with men is that they want to be the center of everything. Men always want to come first and want you to always be available when they call, when they want to visit, or when they want to go out. They cannot come first with single mothers and this is what men hate.

They want you to be dressed and ready when they call. They want to be able to come over and fuck at the drop of a dime. They want you to constantly answer text messages, cater to them, entertain them and put them on a pedestal. Men like to feel needed and get their ego fed with a golden spoon. This is not realistic for women that are raising children. Men will not get the attention and affection they are so desperate for. Unless the mother is desperate for penis validation, she will put her children first and invest in her offspring.

Decent women raising children, usually invest in their children instead of a male fling. Since the male ego is so fragile and delicate,men don't want to feel like they are competing, even with children. Men want the special treatment and attention that children get, Men want their sexual and mental needs met no matter who it's an inconvenience for.
So yea, this is why they avoid women with children. They know they have to compete for your time and will usually put on the back burner.

Is there ever a good time to go through your man's phone

Have you ever had a gut feeling that something was wrong in your relationship? Maybe you thought your man was hiding something or sneaking with someone at his job? Perhaps you noticed him being very secretive with his phone. If you ever had these thoughts, you probably have tried to find secrets in his phone.

Some might say that going through your spouse's phone without his permission is searching for pain. Or, you are looking for something to be wrong and will more than likely misinterpret any information the wrong way. You may see some business text messages between him and his lady co-worker and misinterpret the messages as flirting. That is the downfall of sneaking through a phone. In many cases, if you have to go through a phone means you lack trust. Maybe you've caught him cheating in the past and going through his phone is the quicker way to find out if he's cheating again. Or maybe you think your man is hiding some personal issues like a drug or a gambling habit. Sometimes a woman will go through her partner's phone because she suspect substance abuse or other personal problems. It may not be an infidelity issue. Maybe he's lying about his children, job or finances. You can't always expect a man to tell you everything, especially when you first meet. A man will present himself as "Mr Perfect" with no flaws. Some women take it upon themselves to serve for clues and answers. Maybe your spouse has become distant and you want to see if he's spending time on dating apps or texting another person.

Is there ever really a good time to go through a person's phone? This is a difficult question because you never know what you will do when your are desperate for answers. I would say that if you think your relationship is on it's last legs and have lost hope, why not? Or if you think you are in danger and your spouse is keeping secrets, you may find the info in his phone. Also, if a man has nothing to hide and he's honest, then there is nothing in his phone that can cause harm.

I personally have never went through a man's phone, I have checked pockets and wallets before. Not proud of being a snooper, but I needed precise information....unfortunately I didn't find anything good or bad. So I kept wondering and asking questions. Eventually I was drained and didn't think the relationship was worth holding on to. So we split.

More women prefer to remain single longer

Women are no longer feeling the need to be confined to a relationship. More women are driven by career, financial security, education, and self sustainability. It is no longer a goal for women to graduate from college and walk down the aisle with a spouse. Women are getting married and having children later in life.

As I get older, I do not see a need to rush into a relationship and tie myself down to a spouse. Even casual dating can be draining and overwhelming. Trying to balance children, career, and mental health can be exhausting enough. Adding a relationship to the equation can feel like a full time job with no breaks or time off. Being in a relationship is like two adult baby sitting one another. Two adults trying hard to keep each other happy and occupied. It should come natural, instead of feeling like work..That may sound exaggerated, but the truth is relationships can feel like punching in a clock and working to make somebody happy. Especially if you have a mate that is clingy and wants to constantly stay connected through phone calls and text messages.

I met a young man a few months ago that constantly called me during work hours, Even after I told him I don't take personal calls during the day. He continued to text me and would get uneasy when I didn't text back or answer my phone. I had to cut him off immediately because I didn't want to be responsible for constantly checking my phone or constantly keeping another adult occupied. He didn't want to understand or hear me out when I told him I was busy and usually didn't want to be bothered when I get home from work. He didn't want to hear this, now mix that with a man with entitlement issues and you have a unhappy man. I'd rather stay single and not date until I am ready for something serious.

Men should be more Cautious after Cardi B admits to drugging and robbing Men

After watching the video of Cardi B admit that she has drugged and robbed men, I really hope men take this as a cautionary tale. Men should stop being so eager to bring women to their hotels or get a woman in their car. I can't count how many times I've had men try to come to my house within a few hours of meeting them. This is very dangerous because some men are thinking with their penis and don't think about the consequences of meeting up with a stranger. Men should also consider that just because you are going to meet up with a woman, doesn't mean that a woman is not incapable of having ulterior motives. Some women are vicious and have an agenda. A man may have sex on his mind while the woman is setting him up to be robbed or drugged so that she can take his wallet, car keys, money ect. This is not good, because so many men assume that women are weak and vulnerable. You just never know. That sexy chick in the short skirt just may have a plan to rob you. The lesson is that men can be robbed and raped as well. Too many men assume they are exempt from being robbed or sexually harmed by a woman. Men, stop taking pressing women to go home with you, YOU JUST MIGHT GET ROBBED!

Proud Sidechicks that love being a Mistress Part 1

I was recently cruising and clicking through some facebook groups and came across a post asking women what is their opinion on being a sidechick. Some women were appaulled, some where recovering sidechicks with regrets, but some were proud to have been sidechicks. There were a few women that bragged about being a sidechick and revealed all of the perks that came from being a sidechick. Usually money, not being obligated to him, and not having to do housework or cook everyday like the wife.

 I know everyone will say that a sidechick owes no loyalty to the wife, or a married man is the one that should be faithful. I understand the whole point of holding the man accountable. I blame the husband and the sidechick that is willing to spread her legs to a taken man knowing he is married, however, the married man is dead wrong. I blame him for playing with a woman's heart and playing on her vulnerability.

The problem with women that brag about being sidechicks, is that they live in an illusion that they are winning. Sidechicks convince themselves that they have the upper hand because the wife doesn't know that her man is cheating. A sidechick will think she is getting away with something because the husband is sneaking with her and not getting caught. It's all a game and a recipe for drama, pain, misery, wasted time and broken hearts.

The mistress/sidechick is not the only one at fault. Even if she knows that the man is married. I don't put all the blame on the sidechick. I totally blame the husband for being a liar and cheater. The sidechick is usually seeking love and companion. The married man uses that to manipulate her. Yes, man will always take advantage of a lonely woman that is seeking love and validation. A married man will use money, fake promises, and pity to pull a sidechick in. He may convince his mistress that he is so unloved, unappreciated in his marriage, and under marital stress. He will convince his sidechick that he is only with his wife out of obligations. Obligations such as children, financial reasons, or the marriage itself. The truth is, if a man is so miserable or so unhappy he will walk. Even if it cost him a lot, most men will not tough it out with a woman if they are miserable. Men walk away from their families everyday. This is just a man playing pity games to convince his sidechick that he would leave the wife, but..... he cant. He will convince and manipulate his sidechick into thinking that he is in love with her and the wife is the only bridge standing in the way. This is mind manipulation that women fall for. I've heard women say how much they love a married man, or talk about how hard the married man has it when he goes home. The fell for the pity and sad marital stories.

The married man doesn't love his sidechick or wife. He's only good at convincing them, that he loves them. The truth is, the man is in love with himself and using women to boost his ego and satisfy his sexual appetite. The sidechick refuse to accept that she is being used and will deny that her purpose is to fill a temporary void in a couples marriage. The sidechick will convince herself that the married man really love her and really wants to be with her. This is the effect a conniving manipulating man has on a vulnerable woman. I really hate to see sidechicks getting played, lied to, and mislead by a married man. Even if they put themselves in a position to be used, I still had to see a woman get played. The cold part is that you can't really convince a sidechick that she is just a sex object and something to keep a married man occupied until he goes home to his wife.

Black Women criticized for having high expectations in a Man

This may sound cute in the beginning, trying to prove to a man that you only want his love and time. These women claim that all they need is time, love and attention. Even if you don't require a man to pay your bills or rent, he should still have steady income and some form of education or skills to fall back on. Black women have been submitting to struggle love for too long. Too many sistas think they are not qualified to date a man that is financially stable or educated. When I hear a woman say, or a woman make a facebook status about only needing a man for time and love; I assume that she doesn't know her self-worth and think she is only worthy of a broke struggling men.

It's heartbreaking to see so many women that don't believe they are worthy of a good stable man with an education/career.
I'm positive, that these women do want a good qualified man, but in order to lure a man in, they feed them lies about only wanting his love and nothin else. I never hear men say things like " I don't want her pussy, I just want her love and time" or "I don't require anything from her, but love and attention". Women are using this fake "struggle Love" as a way to get the attention of men. Stop lying to these men. You need more than just love. If you are giving a man your time, heart, feelings, vagina, he should be bringing more than just attention. Stop creating the illusion that women don't need anything but love. Men do not start out loving your or giving you all of their time, so how can any woman only request those things.

The last thing that Black women should do is teach our daughters, granddaughters, nieces, and little sisters, is to only require love and time from a man. Love will not fix the car, love will not keep the electricity going, love with not put food in the pantry. Stop lying to these men. There are other ways to attract men besides lying and feeding them a fraudulent fantasy of not needing anything. A man is not giving you love from day one. Usually their goal is to get you in bed. So stop having low standards and tricking our black men into believing that they can come with nothin but love and attention.