Monday, January 20, 2020
When I see headlines of a celebrity couple getting a divorce, or someone announces on social media they are separating, I never feel sad. I feel as if the relationship took it's toll , became unbearable and something had to give. Separation and divorce is the start to a new beginning. For any two people to separate means the relationship became a burden filled with unhappiness. Whatever caused the separation whether cheating, money problems, abuse, or substance abuse, it is always best to withdraw from a relationship that is draining the happiness out of us.
Some women will stay in a relationship because of security, children, social pressure, or the image of being in a relationship. Women have been pressured to always have a man or to be on the hunt for one. Society has placed pressure on women to the point some of us feel unfulfilled if a man is not involved in our lives.
I have seen a new group of women in this generation that are happier after divorce. Women are no longer walking in shame after divorce. Divorce is a new beginning to a new life. You do not need a husband to travel, accomplish goals, feel loved, or fit into social norms. No woman should stay in a marriage because she wants to create a certain image to make others feel comfortable. Staying in an unhealthy marriage is depressing as well as toxic. Women are learning this and leaving their cheating spouses and abusive lovers to find peace and self love. Divorce means starting all over for a newly divorced woman, but it doesn't mean pain and bitterness. It's a time to celebrate while leaving the baggage and pain behind.
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
New year New Decade. Everyone has set goals and have new things they are starting for the New Year. Weight Loss, going back to school, buying new furniture or taking a new class.
Do not forget about things such as mental health improvement. Let's set goals for things that really affect our mental health such as cutting off negative toxic people that weigh us down. Let's get out of any relationship that doesn't bring us happiness and peace. Let's stop procrastinating to the point it make our life messy, cluttered, and leaves us worried and stressed at the last minute. For example, doing school work at the last minute or laundry at the last minute will cause stress and clutter in our lives. Time to declutter our rooms, work areas, kitchens and purses. Let's get organized.
Friday, November 29, 2019
When most people think of Holidays such as Christmas and Easter, we tend to think of families getting together to exchange gifts, have potlucks, and traveling to see loved ones. We think of Holiday music and lots of Holiday cheer, but to a person suffering from depression the Holiday season can be triggering. Especially for depressed people that have no family or friends to celebrate with. Imagine a person that have lost their parents, or grew up in foster care without a permanent home and family. Imagine the pain and sadness that people are feeling.
For example, there are mothers suffering from depression that cannot purchase gifts and Christmas decorations for their family. There is a lot of pressure for parents to buy new gifts and new clothes for their little ones. Some of us cannot afford to because of financial reasons.
We know Christmas is for giving to others, but children do not understand the concept, they only know they should be getting new gifts. Even when we explain things to children it may be hard for them to fully understand and accept the true meaning of giving and being compassionate for others.
Even for people that do not normally suffer from depression, the Holidays can bring on anxiety and sadness. The highways are over crowded with travelers and stores are full of long lines. It can be a overwhelming for a person to endure. In addition, we are expected to shop for others or participate in gift pulls at work which can be costly.
Here are some tips on coping with Holiday and Seasonal Depression
1. Don't feel obligated to max out credit cards and clean out your bank account on material items. Whether it's for family, coworkers, or friends. Have a budget and stick to it. If you cannot afford to purchase expensive items, do not purchase expensive items.
2. You do not have to be alone for the holidays. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter or go to church. You can google toy drives, food giveaways and Church functions that need extra helpers.
3.You may have lost family members through death or family is too far away. Contact them online if they are too far to visit. Get grief counseling if you are still mourning the loss of a loved one. Some churches and nonprofit organizations have it for free.
4. Make your house festive at a low price. Get decorations at Dollar Stores and thrift shops. Or, buy some artificial plants and pictures to make your home colorful.
5. Use this time to complete goals, whether it's to start a new business, get a gym membership, or start a new class. Use the holiday season to work on goals and self improvement. Write down future plans and goals. You do not have to wait until January 1st to start a New years Resolution.
Sunday, October 13, 2019
Facebook, blogs, and twitter have had many discussions about the issues that surround parenting. Everything is discussed from child support, child care, postpartum depression, to co-parenting with an ex. In many groups, we always have a handful of childless women chime in to brag about how they were super responsible with birth control, or how they refuse to have children until they are in the perfect situation. Child less women will come bragging about how they are able to travel, get 5 degrees, and how they have so much free time to relax because they don't have children.
I have no problems or hate towards women that choose not to have children. I actually commend them for waiting and doing what's best for themselves. My issue is childless women that love to come into groups for mothers, or getting into discussions and ridicule and shame mothers. Or brag about how they got an abortion because they are so much more responsible.
Recently, there was a mother on a popular blog sharing her story of how she had regrets about becoming a mother. She was open and honest about how she felt. She was obviously tired and overwhelmed. Many mothers have had regrets about becoming a mother, for whatever reasons. We as mothers should be able to share our feelings and express ourselves without having childless women bust in our safe space and ridicule us or boast about how they are doing so much better.
There have also been childless women making jokes about single mothers and expressing how they hate children. Yes, HATE! If you are not a mother and don't plan on having children, why come into a discussion for mothers and make the discussion about YOU? Mothers, should be able to vent and share information with other mothers. We all have issues, regrets, and problems with parenting, even if we are married and have a strong support system. Most mothers go through trials that make us wonder if we should have become a mother. Mothers usually get over this as their children get older and they find peace as a mother. This is natural and we should be able to express ourselves in peace, without childless women coming to police us or point fingers at us. We go through enough that childless women would never imagine or understand.
If you chose to not have children or abort, or put your child up for adoption, feel free to do so.I applaud women for not having children. It's your right, it's your choice. No shame from me, but also respect mothers and allow them to vent. It reminds me of light skin women that invade safe spaces for darker women. Or slim women that cry out for attention when large women are venting.
If you want to brag about being a childless woman, go brag and boast with other childless women. Do not come into a parent group or a discussion for mothers. Many childless women are not even bragging, they are venting and meddling. It's almost like a hobby for childless women to pop into a discussion for mothers to whine about something or brag about how their birth control never failed them. We respect your decision to not become a parent, so please respect our safe space and allow us to have discussions in peace.
Friday, October 4, 2019
Plus size Discrimination and body shamming is not something that only happens on social media or with celebrities. Many people do not understand or care to point out body shamming if it is not happening to them. Although skinny/slim people have had complaints about being teased in elementary school for being skinny or being called Slim Jim; I am not talking about those issues. Im upset about large women not getting hired because the company fears that a large woman will intimidate clients or bring down the company image. I am upset with public places not accommodating larger people. Im upset when large people, including children are cyber bullied online and in school.
When a large person is sick or have any issues with their health, the problem is usually blamed on their weight. I've been to the doctor for flu symptoms or a pap smear and and more attention was put on my weight. I've know large women that went to the doctor for back pain from a car accident, or a slip and fall and the doctor grilled them about their weight, but didn't really show compassion to the original reason they were there.
I have seen women post a beautiful picture to show off a new dress or a new hair style, and people will make derogatory comments about the woman's weight. They would pretend they were concerned with her health, as if slim people don't have any health concerns. That is another pet-peeve of mine, people pretending to be so appalled when a larger person post pictures and they try to disguise their fat phobia by saying they are concerned with the person's health.
I would rather a person just say "Im not use to seeing a big woman get that much positive attention and it bothers me" or "She's very big, I wish I was as confident as she is". I get tired of the fake outrage. The fake outrage is other people being so upset and pretending to be so offended when a beautiful large woman post a sexy picture. Or a larger woman posting a beautiful dress or showing herself out having fun. Oh, let's not forget when a large woman post herself with a spouse, and people question why the man is with the large woman. I could go on and on.
Monday, September 30, 2019
Single mothers are expected to endure everything while working, raising children, and holding down the house. People don't seem to care because they view single mothers as irresponsible or stupid for not picking the perfect man. Nobody goes out and chose a deadbeat on purpose. Nobody goes out and deliberately chose a man that is unworthy unless they are suffering from mental health problems. "You picked the wrong man, you had children too young, you put yourself in this situation", is a constant reminder from people that think they are in positions to discipline single mothers.
Many times, the mother never had positive examples of what a father is suppose to be. In many urban communities, the father is absent or he is in the home abusing the mother mentally and physically. Another example is a working father that comes homes and isolates himself from his family. Maybe he's too tired to engage and would rather watch sports and hide in a man cave. It's hard to understand what a man is suppose to do and how a real man is suppose to act if you haven't seen many positive examples in your childhood.
I take full responsible and hold myself accountable, but this should not be an excuse for a man to not be responsible.
We have to endure a lot of public backlash and humiliation. This is what most people do, instead of holding both parents responsibility. Like the old chant when I was a kid "boys do the dirty work, girls take the blame"
When you label a mother as bitter, especially a single mother, you must ask yourself..... Is she really bitter, or just serious and not playing games with her her life and the life of her offspring? Is she really bitter or has she learned from prior mishaps and mistakes. Is she really bitter, or is she more focused. Is she bitter, or is she holding men accountable for not being responsible men.
Friday, September 27, 2019
Sometimes depression rules over our life, which include are social life and love life. When living with depression, we may not feel good about our self or have the energy to meet and mingle with new people. Even when we are approached with potential dating mates, we tend to push them to the back of the line. Usually because we look at dating or hanging out with new people as a chore. We have to plan dates, get dressed, groom ourselves and travel to destinations just to meet up. That is too much work and effort for a depressed person. A fun night for a depressed person is reading, listening to music or binge watching NetFlix all night.
Dating takes us our of our comfort zone. When depressed, we usually want to stay home and be isolated. We don't want to text back and forth or get dressed up for a night at the movies. In addition, we already see failure in a person. We already anticipate the relationship not working in our favor. Depression will make you self sabotage or judge a situation before it even gets started. Depression will make us doubt the person we are dating and questions their intentions. So instead of dating and taking a chance, depression will tell you to get rid of the person and ignore every text or call. This is our way of preserving our time, heart and feelings. Instead of hanging out and enjoying a fling or finding a new spouse, our depression will sometimes not allow us to get pass the dating phase. Hard to find true love when your depression eats up all of your energy.
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