The cost of living contributing to stress, depression, and anxiety

    As the cost of living continues to rise, more people are working extra side jobs and going back to school to obtain skills for higher pay. Housing cost is on the rise with less people are able to afford homes and some not making enough to rent apartments. More families are moving to more affordable states leaving their old lives behind for better opportunities. For some people, they do not have a support system to just leave, they are forced to stay in their current states and continue to struggle paying high rent. States such as California and New York are very expensive and also overcrowded resulting in people competing for apartments with hundreds of other applicants. This can take it's toll on our mental health. Living paycheck to paycheck in  a country like America is unacceptable. We have enough resources, we pay taxes, and we have the best technology, yet we seem to be behind when it comes to affordable substantial housing.

    Many people are exhausted and overwhelmed which is leading to more people being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Many are relying on antidepressants to help them cope day to day with the overwhelming cost of living. People are working full-time jobs and side gigs just to survive. They are not living a lavish lifestyle, they are just trying to survive and make a way above water. The cost of living is also keeping people in broken relationships they would never not be in. Many women are staying in abusive relationships because they cannot afford the cost of an apartment. Gas prices are up. Food prices are sky high making it hard for many people to purchase healthy foods and relying on cheap processed foods.

Many young adult will not be able to afford their own housing even after attending college. Low paying jobs require a college degree or a license which means most young adults must obtain a degree or a certification for most jobs. This still does not guarantee they will be able to afford housing. The best option is to get a few room mates or live at home until they are capable of surviving. This affects their mental health and interferes with them adjusting to adult life.

Take your mind off the CoronaVirus to preserve Your Mental Health

People are stressed and exhausted while driving all over trying to find food, cleaning supplies, and tissue. People with children are worried about feeding their little ones and keeping them occupied while they are out of school. We must also think about our mental health and how to stay calm during this crisis. I know families are anxious, depressed, scared, overwhelmed with fear of what is happening and what it means for our future. The thought of our country going into another recession has people up all night ruminating.

No need to panic, but we should be safe, cautious, and make sure we stay in doors as much as we can. We must continuously wash our hands and cover our coughs while outdoors. Even inside, make sure to limit visitors and use bleach and lysol to clean. If you do not have either, use hot water and a soap mixture to clean door handles, light switches, remotes, laptops and countertops.
We should be concerned especially those of us that have children and the elderly that have weakened immune systems. Our stores are being cleaned out because people are in panic mode and assuming stores we all have to survive without new merchandise for the next weeks or months. We must have faith and be optimistic about the turnout of this crisis. Try not to worry to the point you are constantly in fear of getting sick.

Ways to relax and take your mind off the CoronaVirus while indoors

Turn off the TV and Social Media. Turn the news off. It will worry you and over exaggerate things

Do some cleaning around the house. Rearrange the kitchen cabinets, book cases, or bathrooms

Read those books and magazine you've have sitting around.

Call friends and have a real conversation. Talk about highschool, fun times, romance, or future plans.

Watch a funny movie or a comedy show.

Watch cartoons with the kids. Have fun to take their mind off the chaos.

Draw or color some pictures.

Do a crossword puzzle.

Meditate. Do some deep breathing exercises to relax.

Do a fitness routine. Find some on youtube.

Turn up some music and dance. Burn some calories.

Take a long warm bubble bath with candles. Use a good smelly shower gel or bath bombs.

Write a handwritten note to someone, even if they never read it.

Women feel happier and Liberated after Divorce

When I see headlines of a celebrity couple getting a divorce, or someone announces on social media they are separating, I never feel sad. I feel as if the relationship took it's toll , became unbearable and something had to give. Separation and divorce is the start to a new beginning. For any two people to separate means the relationship became a burden filled with unhappiness. Whatever caused the separation whether cheating, money problems, abuse, or substance abuse, it is always best to withdraw from a relationship that is draining the happiness out of us.

Some women will stay in a relationship because of security, children, social pressure, or the image of being in a relationship. Women have been pressured to always have a man or to be on the hunt for one. Society has placed pressure on women to the point some of us feel unfulfilled if a man is not involved in our lives.

I have seen a new group of women in this generation that are happier after divorce. Women are no longer walking in shame after divorce. Divorce is a new beginning to a new life. You do not need a husband to travel, accomplish goals, feel loved, or fit into social norms. No woman should stay in a marriage because she wants to create a certain image to make others feel comfortable. Staying in an unhealthy marriage is depressing as well as toxic. Women are learning this and leaving their cheating spouses and abusive lovers to find peace and self love. Divorce means starting all over for a newly divorced woman, but it doesn't mean pain and bitterness. It's a time to celebrate while leaving the baggage and pain behind.

Coping with Holiday and Seasonal Depression

When most people think of Holidays such as Christmas and Easter, we tend to think of families getting together to exchange gifts, have potlucks, and traveling to see loved ones. We think of Holiday music and lots of Holiday cheer, but to a person suffering from depression the Holiday season can be triggering. Especially for depressed people that have no family or friends to celebrate with. Imagine a person that have lost their parents, or grew up in foster care without a permanent home and family. Imagine the pain and sadness that people are feeling.
For example, there are mothers suffering from depression that cannot purchase gifts and Christmas decorations for their family. There is a lot of pressure for parents to buy new gifts and new clothes for their little ones. Some of us cannot afford to because of financial reasons.
We know Christmas is for giving to others, but children do not understand the concept, they only know they should be getting new gifts. Even when we explain things to children it may be hard for them to fully understand and accept the true meaning of giving and being compassionate for others.

Even for people that do not normally suffer from depression, the Holidays can bring on anxiety and sadness. The highways are over crowded with travelers and stores are full of long lines. It can be a overwhelming for a person to endure. In addition, we are expected to shop for others or participate in gift pulls at work which can be costly.

Here are some tips on coping with Holiday and Seasonal Depression

1. Don't feel obligated to max out credit cards and clean out your bank account on material items. Whether it's for family, coworkers, or friends. Have a budget and stick to it. If you cannot afford to purchase expensive items, do not purchase expensive items.

2. You do not have to be alone for the holidays. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter or go to church. You can google toy drives, food giveaways and Church functions that need extra helpers.

3.You may have lost family members through death or family is too far away. Contact them online if they are too far to visit. Get grief counseling if you are still mourning the loss of a loved one. Some churches and nonprofit organizations have it for free.

4. Make your house festive at a low price. Get decorations at Dollar Stores and thrift shops. Or, buy some artificial plants and pictures to make your home colorful.

5. Use this time to complete goals, whether it's to start a new business, get a gym membership, or start a new class. Use the holiday season to work on goals and self improvement. Write down future plans and goals. You do not have to wait until January 1st to start a New years Resolution.

Too Depressed To Date

Sometimes depression rules over our life, which include are social life and love life. When living with depression, we may not feel good about our self or have the energy to meet and mingle with new people. Even when we are approached with potential dating mates, we tend to push them to the back of the line. Usually because we look at dating or hanging out with new people as a chore. We have to plan dates, get dressed, groom ourselves and travel to destinations just to meet up. That is too much work and effort for a depressed person. A fun night for a depressed person is reading, listening to music or binge watching NetFlix all night.

Dating takes us our of our comfort zone. When depressed, we usually want to stay home and be isolated. We don't want to text back and forth or get dressed up for a night at the movies. In addition, we already see failure in a person. We already anticipate the relationship not working in our favor. Depression will make you self sabotage or judge a situation before it even gets started. Depression will make us doubt the person we are dating and questions their intentions. So instead of dating and taking a chance, depression will tell you to get rid of the person and ignore every text or call. This is our way of preserving our time, heart and feelings. Instead of hanging out and enjoying a fling or finding a new spouse, our depression will sometimes not allow us to get pass the dating phase. Hard to find true love when your depression eats up all of your energy.

Generational Depression

Generational Depression, the Saga of Pain will Continue

Many of us come from a family full of people that battled mental health problems. Whether it was depression, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, or addictions. Many of us come from a family that suffered while self medicating and self sabotaging. We may not have known what was going on exactly, growing up among family members with mental health problems, but we knew there were some toxic people.

 Nobody spoke about seeing a counselor, going to therapy or taking psych medication. In Urban Communities, we are told to just turn it over to God and keep praying. Or, let it go and pray. These methods have not improved our lives or our communities. We are suffering and it is being passed down from generation to generation. It is a curse. If you look at many families, there is a generational curse that is being buried over and over and people are suffering. We become comfortable and absorbed in our suffering. Suffering and pain becomes a part of life and we expected. So we don't talk about it or complain about. Therefore we won't admit that we need help for our conditions. It impossible to get help, of you don't know you have a problem. Many of our families in the Black Community have a family history of depression and we don't recognize and actually see pain and suffering as a way of life. Some of us come from families that have cases of molestation, teen pregnancies, addictions and mental health problems that are going unresolved from generation to generation.

We saw individuals drinking, smoking and over eating to mask pain and depression. This was all normal to me. Growing up as a child, I just thought that people liked to drink, smoke, and engage in certain activities. I couldn't connect the dots and see that maybe they were trying to escape pain and abuse. 

 Mental health is still a taboo subject in urban communities. People are ashamed and fear being ridiculed for asking for help. Most individuals will go through their childhood and adulthood without being diagnosed because they don't want to be called crazy or sick. The truth is, the more we try to suppress our mental health problems with drugs, sex and over spending, we will never get down to the truth. We will never get to the core of the problem and dissect what is going in within us.

This pain continues be recycled down from generation to generation. If we do not seek therapy, closure, support groups, we will only pass the pain down to our children and grandchildren. We will only get worse as long as we self medicate. We must observe our children and listen to their needs. We cannot mute our children when they are going through issues at school, with their friends or their fears about the future. We cannot be afraid to put our children into counseling session or get our children grief counseling when they lose a loved one. We have to be the shelter for our children and watch for early signs of Mental Health problems and substance abuse. We cannot pretend like problems will fix themselves or just hand it over to our spiritual beliefs.

Social Media and Depression

Is social media keeping you depressed? Are you spending too much time browsing and scrolling through facebook, Instagram, and SnapChat to look at friends, co-workers and old class mates living their best life. How often to you come across a page of someone celebrating a wedding anniversary, a graduation, or relaxing on vacation with family? Do you allow these images to make you evaluate your own life?

We often look at these images and began to compare them to our own lives. Even if we are happy for our old classmate's wedding, or baby shower, we still tend to think "what about me?"
Or "when am I going to find the love of my life or go back to school to get that master's degree."
We have a tendency to live vicariously through others and sabotage ourselves if we are not making progress at the same pace as others. This can lead to shame, guilt and depression.

The truth is, people can create the perfect life on social media. The happy couple laying on a sandy beach is not going to announce that their vacation will take 3 years to pay off. The happy newly weds will not broadcast how they are struggling financially. We do not see what's really going on behind the smiles, parties, expensive trips, and special engagements.
We cannot allow the lives of others to make us feel unworthy or feel unaccomplished. It's human nature to compare your life to others, but the truth is, you are comparing your life to a lie. You are comparing yourself to another person's image they created for their followers. This can make you feel like you are not accomplished if you are comparing yourself to others.

Take breaks from social media. I know social media can be addictive and a way to kill time, but a few days off can help you evaluate your life and future. Always remember that things are not always the way they appear on social media. A  person in debt can make themselves look  like a millionaire through pictures. An unhappy family can make themselves appear to be a perfect model family. You cannot compare yourself to a bunch of happy images. This is self sabotaging and it only leads to depression. Especially if you already suffer from depression, watching people portray perfection will not help your mental state.

The Symptoms of Depression, The Tears and Fears

The symptoms of depression shows in so many ways that we do not always recognize it. The symptoms vary from person to person msking us feel sadness, heartache, numbness and even physical pain. It robs us daily and takes all of our energy, passion, and hope. Sometimes depression sneaks up on us and we do not realize it until we are behind in bills, quitting a job, or jumping into a new relations. Often the symptoms of depression seem normal. We blame everything and everyone outside of ourselves. We blame our jobs, our children, our spouse even the weather.

Depression has often been referred to as a silent killer, robbing a person of their happiness, strength, energy and health. It doesn't have to be this way. Depression doesn't have to drain you everyday and steal your joy. Stand up to depression. Cry it out, then get up and fight back. Depression will make you feel as if you have no purpose in life. That is the dirty trick that depression plays on you. Depression will pull you back into bed when you know you have things to get accomplished. Depression will tell you to continue eating although you set a goal to lose weight. Depression will tell you that your beauty has faded.

It is hard yes, it is a struggle when you don't want to get out bed, when you want to sit in a dark house with the curtains closed. Those are the days that you have to give yourself that extra push. Force yourself out of the house. Force yourself to the gym, to the grocery store, or to the park to walk and enjoy nature. Don't let depression keep you hidden away. Depression is a battle. The more you stay locked away and isolated, the more you become depressed. Face depression and fight back. The more you postpone cleaning up or organizing your life, the more you feel unaccomplished. This is the cycle of depression. Face depression, face all fears, shed tears, then get back up. Continue to get up. You deserve your happiness. You deserve to get out of the house everyday, you deserved to be happy and enjoy life. You deserve to be free. Come out of that mental hostage and take your life back. You are entitled to yours. It's your life. It's a struggle, but you only live once.

Suffering from depression as a Young woman

Growing up, I recall being happy and carefree. Even though I went through hardships, I still remember being happy and full of life. Like most children, I had dreams and goals that thought about. how life would be as an adult. I wanted to travel, go away to college, party, then settle down with a wealthy husband that would worship the ground I walked upon. That all sounded good, and looking back probably unrealistic. Regardless I was happy and enjoyed life up until my late teens when I became a mother. Yep, I suffered from bouts of postpartum depression but never was diagnosed. Back then, postpartum depression was still a taboo subject that everyone was told to just pray about. Things got worse over time as I began working, being a single mother, then an abusive relationship. I feel deep into depression. A deep dark depression. Some days I felt like I was buried alive. Physically living, but my soul was dead. I was just shifting through life with no purpose, no meaning. Working day to day just to pay bills, then waking up every morning feeling defeated. I would wake up tired and had to drag myself out of bed daily.

I would sit and think "How did it get like this" I use to be happy. I use to love life and have friends. I use to look forward to hanging out, laughing and being social. I couldn't find myself. I couldn't find that happy person. I was somebody different. I was depressed but couldn't figure out why.

Growing up as a child, no one looks forward to suffering from depression. Who prepares for depression or other mental health issues? I never heard of a class growing up that prepares children for depression. Depression was never really spoken about it. It was something that just comes from out of nowhere like a fucking wrecking ball. What happened to the good ol' days. What happened to laughing and telling jokes with friends? What happened to listening to loud music, feeling happy and looking forward to a prosperous future. I'm still fighting for the dream I had as a child. My dream was to simply be happy.

Postpartum Depression Symptoms and how New mothers can recover

When a new mom is battling depression you may never see signs, or understand the battle she is going through. People assume that a mother suffering from Postpartum depression is just bitter that she has to give up her freedom for her child, or she is upset that she has stretch marks and weight gain. I've heard every misjudgment under the sun. Some even think that the new mom is jealous of the attention her new baby is getting. Society is still in the dark about Postpartum Depression. There are so many misconceptions that need to be understood.

Imagine being a new mom and having to work non stop around the clock, then go nights without much sleep. Now imagine having to console a crying baby throughout the day and sometimes in the middle of the night while you are asleep. Now imagine having to keep up with doctor's appointments, wash baby clothing, change diapers and make milk bottles. (or breastfeed or pump milk) Now, imagine still having to take care of other responsibilities such as bills, rent, finding childcare as well  taking care of your daily hygiene routine. This can be overwhelming, considering that most responsibility falls on the mother. Then add on the guilt a mother feels when she doesn't think she is meeting the needs of her newborn.

Postpartum depression is not limited to sadness, but also anxiety, irritability, appetite changes, changes in sleep patterns as well as weight gain or loss. Usually the same symptoms of regular depression.  This is not just baby blues, which is temporary. Postpartum depression is an illness that requires treatment. Many doctors call Postpartum depression a psychological disorder, which means it is treatable but has to be diagnosed. Most doctors prescribe anti depression medication, therapy, diet changes, and a support groups. My advice is for all mothers to see a doctor, find a support group, use meditation and find other activities like exercise, writing in a journal, getting massages, and having a solid support system of people. It is also a great idea to connect with other mothers for advice, support and guidance. It is best to talk to someone that has lived through Postpartum depression that has a clear understanding.

When I suffered with Postpartum, I didn't understand what it was and was never diagnosed. I was always tired, my appetite increased, and I was very irritable. I couldn't finish certain tasks and I didn't want to do any fun activities. I felt like my mind and body had aged really fast and I couldn't keep up. I guess it was because I was not getting much sleep and eating a lot of junk foods for comfort. I would start cleaning a room, but wouldn't complete it. I would wash clothes, then leave them unfolded on the couch for days. Promising myself I would clean my kitchen and refrigerator, then I would end up sleeping all day. I still had to finish school and struggle to pay bills. Months later, I heard about Postpartum while watching a talk show. This was in the late 90's. It all made sense. Then I started coming across articles in magazines and newspapers about depression. This was before the Internet was in every household. I was confused and lost back then and never could explain why.

You were not born to Suffer

Women were taught that struggling and overcoming hardships make us stronger. Or what don't kill you will make you stronger. We as women were taught to work hard, suffer and never take breaks or complain. We were taught that struggling and hardships made us tougher. NOPE! Struggling make us weak, age fast, cause depression and mental health problems that go unresolved. Struggling and being overworked will kill you and keep you depressed. We were not put here to over work ourselves and suffer silently. Stop believing that you were born to suffer, be miserable and never take days off. Women deserve to be happy, have days off, go shopping, have fun, travel and be free. Stop believing that there is a payoff for going through pain and suffering.

Homeless Single Mothers in Poverty

Many women are struggling in states and cities with no rent control. Many single mothers are left alone in poverty with limited help. I'm sure people will blame the women for getting pregnant by the wrong man, or by laying down with a dead beat. It's easy to blame women, and give men a pass for child abandonment, however the bigger picture is that many women and children are suffering. In most states the weather is cold and many have to reside in shelters to avoid being outdoors. I've been in a few groups on Facebook that are full of suffering women trying to climb out of the pits of  poverty. Some were abandoned by their husbands, ex boyfriends and family members. I know it's easy to say that these women are the cause of their own pain, but my heart goes out to these women. I know how hard it is to struggle with no help and be expected to stay mentally stable while caring for a young child. This is a very tough time of year especially with many people experiencing SAD. (Seasonal Depression) This is a time of year when children need new winter clothing and jackets. Children expect Christmas presents, even if you don't celebrate holidays. It can also be very mentally draining if you are not around family or in another state away from family. I've seen so many women in help groups need access to hotel vouchers, emergency shelters, and emergency money for Move in fees for apartment. I just wanted to get this off my chest because this has been on my heart.

Mental health Support Requires More than Prayers

I recall overhearing conversations between the elders telling each other to pray and read the bible. Women complaining about men, children, jobs, struggles, and every other concern. The advice was usually to get in the bible and say some prayers. Sometimes, specific scriptures were given out to those that were willing to take the advice. I witnessed women crying out in churches every Sunday hoping that prayers would make all the pain go away. Women suffering were told to hang on and keep praying. Women had to cry silently and usually in private because the stress of the world was weighing them down. What they really needed was support from other women, quiet time, mediation, support groups, therapy and or counseling. They needed a vacation for a few days to relax and breath, however, women were told to pray and let time go by. This was no help and it didn't improve conditions. Sitting back saying  prayers while you are overwhelmed and overburden is the recipe for a mental breakdown. Worrying, stress and depression should be taken seriously. When someone tell me to just pray when I complain about stressors of the world, I know they are only giving me advice that was given to them. Sometimes it comes off as a bit sarcastic, but the truth is, many women that are suffering with depression think it's taboo to seek mental health counseling or get advice from a professional. From generation to generation, black women have been told to turn all of their problems to God and pray. We have suffered with a false hope that a prayer will make all of the pain disappear, or prayer will give us the strength to endure more pain. We have been taught accept pain and depression. We have been told that pain and suffering leads to strength or that our pain is just a part of our future testimonies.

The truth is, we shouldn't have to suffer when there is help available. There is professional help, medication, and therapy. How long will we carry mental scars? How long will we carry overweight baggage of pain that will weigh us down, paralyze us, and kill dreams.

The Overworked Depressed Black Woman

Depression has been a another taboo subject within the black community for as long as I can remember. Especially for women. We all knew of a grandmother in the neighborhood that had a house full of children and grandchildren, overworked and unappreciated. Or the mother that has to work, take care of children, then come home and cook and cater to an ungrateful husband. Let's not forget about the single mother that is overwhelmed, exhausted but has to present her kids with the image of being supermom. Oh, let's not forget the woman struggling through college, working, and paying bills at home and being a care giver to younger siblings or a parent.

Many of our sisters are overwhelmed and depressed. Tired and deflated with stress and constant worry. Worrying about bills, work, children, health, the future, and lost dreams. We walk around with a smile and kind words when we are greeted, but we are carrying bulks of steel in our soul. Tears remain on the inside, while we wear a smile so that we don't have to constantly tell the world what is wrong. So many of us are dying on the inside, carrying enough dead weight to smothering our spirits.


I've witnessed so many sisters suffer and struggle with Depression as well as other mental Health problems. I'm sure we all know of someone that battled post partum depression. Or maybe you or someone that you know wake up everyday wishing they would have stayed asleep. Many women, especially mothers in the Black Communities are battling depression everyday but smiling to hide all the pain and hurt. We as women work hard, take care of children, and attend to the needs of people around us. Being a working mother, are job is never done. It is rare for a working mother to take a break without feeling guilty or hearing the complaints of others. Women are usually working so hard continually without taking care of themselves. We usually have to put our health issues to the side in order to keep our family running. We can't complain too much, because complaining doesn't make matters any better.

Growing up, I was always taught that prayer was the answer to everything
Bills overdue? You better pray!
Running low on food? You need to get down and pray?
You feel pain in your back? Well, start praying!
Problems in the family? Girl, you know what to do, Pray all them problems away.