Friday, April 26, 2019

Domestic Violence Awareness and why women feel Obligated To Stay


When we think of Domestic violence we tend to think of movies like Enough starring Jennifer Lopez, or Sleeping with the Enemy. In movies like this, the victim fights back and escape as the hero. In real life, stories of domestic violence don't usually end like the movies. Unfortunately, victims of domestic violence have to escape with their children and hide out in a battered women's shelter. Some victims stay with the abuser out of fear.

People often believe that women want to stay with their abuser because they are deep in love. Even if the victim is in love with her abuser, it is still not a reason to blame the victim. This is a form of Stockholm syndrome, in which the victim sympathize with their abuser and never reach out for help. The victim also sees the abuser as a victim and will make up excuses for him. Maybe he was abused as a child and the victim sympathize with him.

Victims stay for many reasons. In many cases the victim don't have a support system or family to rely on. Financial dependency is one of the reasons that victims are afraid to venture out of the relationship. Many victims of domestic violence have a family history of abuse and neglect. They may have seen their mom, aunts, or older neighbors get mentally and physically abused. In these cases, the victim feels as if mental and physical abuse is normal. They may view  physical abuse as a life circumstance that cannot be avoided.

It is common for abusers to isolate the victim from their family and friends in order to mentally control them. Without family support, the victim will feel more challenged to leave the abuser.
Usually feeling isolated and believing that the abuser is the only person she can depend on. Telling a  victim that nobody love them, or nobody cares about them is a mental game that abusers use to mentally control their victim. The abuser will break down the victim's self esteem and make them feel as if they deserve the abuse. The abuser may have convinced people around him that he is a decent person, and the victim is the combative one in the relationship. A classic case of a narcissist.

Women are not enjoying their time with the abuser as some people have assume. Victims live in isolation and fear. Victims tend to stay because of  lack of self love, lack of resources, dependency,  no family support and fear of being harmed for trying to escape. Never assume that a victim wanna be with their abuser. If you know someone that is being abused, be supportive and help them find a way out.

Saturday, April 20, 2019

Women are proudly refusing to Submit to their men



The obsession that men have with making women become submissive doormats is a bit irritating. I come across so many meme's about independent women not cooking for their men, or strong women with degrees that refuse to clean for their men. We currently live in the year 2019. We are not living in the 1950's, back when the man was the bread winner because women were less likely to get hired or get loans to start their own business.

I will not submit to a man simply because he has XY chromosomes. I will not submit simply because a man has a penis and produces semen. I will not submit simply because a man is psychically stronger or taller in height. Some men think that having a submissive woman is their birth right. There are men walking around that actually think that because they have a penis, that women are suppose to cater to their needs and obey their commands just because. Men are still in denial about how the world has turned and why women are no longer weak submissive lap dogs. These men want a woman that will not question them when they've been out cheating all night. They want their women to be delayed and not use common sense in order to keep her man comfortable and content. Men want a submissive woman that will go along with whatever he dishes out, just to keep a false sense of peace in the house.

In my experience, submissive women become dependent on their spouse and never question anything or use their own judgement. 
Non submissive women are considered combative, loud, too independent, or too outspoken. Men are looking for a woman that they can control and over power. They want to control a woman's thoughts, the way she dresses, the way she spends her money and the way she uses her sexuality. 

Women are proudly refusing to submit, some even refusing to get into relationships. Women shouldn't have to be treated like a child, in order to make a man feel masculine. Women should not have to be mute in order to not sabotage a man's sensitive ego. Women are becoming more aware of their value and worth, and are refusing to submit to an unworthy man simply because of his testosterone. Unfortunately we have men that believe that women should submit to them just because. Not because they are wealthy providers, or because they are educated and established. Men actually believe that having a penis make them worthy of being a leader and having a submissive follower.

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

The reason so many men are bitter about Ciara and Russel's marriage



Ciara has been the target of many angry bitter men all over the internet. Ciara is a talented singer and dancer, once dated rapper Future and has a child with him. Prior to him, she dated other men in the music industry before settling down and marrying Russell, who is a wealthy professional foot ball player.
 It is very common for men, especially black men to bash their marriage. Russell has been refereed to as a simp, a wimp, a punk and a fool for marrying a woman that had a baby prior to the marriage. Ciara and Russell appear to be very happy, content and deeply in love, yet we see many bitter men, that are bothered by this family unit. Ciara has been accused of being a gold digger, a THOT, or a user and a woman with mileage on her vagina. Yes, I've seen that posted online. People have become obsessed with their marriage and have constantly made rants about their union. Women are usually cheering the marriage on, while men are angry and bitter. I've seen men get on twitter and Facebook and boldly announce their disgust for Ciara and Russell being a couple.

The reality is, people don't like to see a woman upgrade and improve her life after being considered sluty or promiscuous. I don't know if Ciara was ever promiscuous but there have been rumors that only she can confirm. I don't knock her or judge her if she did go through a hoe faze. The truth is, people think single mothers are suppose to suffer and are forever in debt to society for having a child young or out of wedlock. There will be people that will see a permanent stain on Ciara because she dated a few men and had a baby with a rapper. Ciara is entitled to be happy like anyone else. She and Russell owe it to each other.

Men are really angry and hating hard because Russell just signed a new contract. He is one of the highest paid professional athletes right now. After the announcement, men ran to social media to express their anger. They are angry that the once single mother that dated rappers is married to a multimillionaire. Men are bitter because they feel that a man of Russel's status should have married a virgin with no sexual background.

Friday, April 12, 2019

Single Fathers VS Single Mothers



As I was browsing and clicking around on facebook, I came across a viral picture with the story of a man that was taking care of his children after his wife passed away. So many people praised and applauded the father for being a father. Many women made comments about him being a great guy, a strong male, and a stand up guy. The comments were going on and on about how this father was so great for taking care of his children. Some people even expressed sympathy for him and spoke highly of the man even though they didn't know him personally, however, I didn't see anything great.

I was not very impressed that he was being a father to his own biological children, although many people saw this single father as a hero for simply being a father. A man should be a father whether the mother is alive or not. I didn't get the hype because women take care of children alone all the time. Women get left with children everyday and become the face of welfare jokes, single momma jokes, and are shamed and slammed for taking care of the children. Single fathers get applauded and praised while single mothers are ridiculed and told to "pick better men". The bar is set so low for black fathers, which mean that a black man can do the minimum and be seen as an Icon.


All my life, I witnessed  women struggling with children while going to college, working and sometimes having to take on seasonal work just to pay the bills. Women that work hard to provide for their children are usually slammed and ridiculed. I've seen single mothers get criticized for attending working extra hours, while a single father get worshipped. Single mothers are seen as failures and carry a stigma. Could this be one of the reasons that so many mothers suffer from depression and other mental health conditions? Women are expected to work non stop, and no matter how hard we believe we are working, it's never enough. Unless your a single dad of course.

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Is there ever a good time to go through your man's phone

Have you ever had a gut feeling that something was wrong in your relationship? Maybe you thought your man was hiding something or sneaking with someone at his job? Perhaps you noticed him being very secretive with his phone. If you ever had these thoughts, you probably have tried to find secrets in his phone.

Some might say that going through your spouse's phone without his permission is searching for pain. Or, you are looking for something to be wrong and will more than likely misinterpret any information the wrong way. You may see some business text messages between him and his lady co-worker and misinterpret the messages as flirting. That is the downfall of sneaking through a phone. In many cases, if you have to go through a phone means you lack trust. Maybe you've caught him cheating in the past and going through his phone is the quicker way to find out if he's cheating again. Or maybe you think your man is hiding some personal issues like a drug or a gambling habit. Sometimes a woman will go through her partner's phone because she suspect substance abuse or other personal problems. It may not be an infidelity issue. Maybe he's lying about his children, job or finances. You can't always expect a man to tell you everything, especially when you first meet. A man will present himself as "Mr Perfect" with no flaws. Some women take it upon themselves to serve for clues and answers. Maybe your spouse has become distant and you want to see if he's spending time on dating apps or texting another person.

Is there ever really a good time to go through a person's phone? This is a difficult question because you never know what you will do when your are desperate for answers. I would say that if you think your relationship is on it's last legs and have lost hope, why not? Or if you think you are in danger and your spouse is keeping secrets, you may find the info in his phone. Also, if a man has nothing to hide and he's honest, then there is nothing in his phone that can cause harm.

I personally have never went through a man's phone, I have checked pockets and wallets before. Not proud of being a snooper, but I needed precise information....unfortunately I didn't find anything good or bad. So I kept wondering and asking questions. Eventually I was drained and didn't think the relationship was worth holding on to. So we split.

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Read this before jumping into Sex Work




I know many of you have read twitter and facebook pages where women proudly announce they are sex workers. We have seen a trend of young women boasting of being an online sex worker that charge by the hour or young women claiming to be an online sugarbaby. Far too many women are jumping into this line of work with little guidance and high unrealistic hopes.

I've seen women advertising pornhub pages, selling nude pictures, and had the audacity to have pictures of their children on the same page. Rule 1. Never post pictures of your children on a page that you use for adult work. To each it's own, but for the safety of your own children. Working as a sex worker, even if it's just selling nudes, you may attract unhappy customers/clients that turn into stalkers. Your clients that you sell nude videos and pictures to, should never know what your children look like. When I see a young woman selling sex videos on the same facebook page that she has pictures of little Timmy Jr and Lil momma (her children..... I know that she is a naive sex worker that is trying to make some quick money and doesn't have enough common sense to separate her business from her personal life. Sex work is about fantasy, that is why you shouldn't give clients too much info about your personal info.

This is not about hating on sex workers, it's about bringing awareness to gullible newbies that have not done any research and assume being a sex worker is something simple and glamorous. Please remember, once you've posted online nude pictures or made some seductive nude dancing video, those clips can land in anyone's hand. If you are okay with this, go ahead and sell your services to the highest bidder. You have every right to use what you've got to get what you want. (Okay, I used that line from the movie "Players Club", but you all get the point. I'm not against a working girl, I just don't want young newbies to be misguided and overestimate the life of a sex worker. Young women are following the online leaders and have this dream of dodging college and a retail job to strike it rich selling their sexual services via social media. Young women living out this fantasy of becoming the next PinkyXXX or viral nude twerking queen.
 Some don't think about undercover cops on social media that are watching pages and dirty lowlifes that are always looking for their next sex trafficking victim.
Again, this is not to bash and trash the sex industry or sex workers, but I think the truth needs to be spoken. Too many young women are putting their health and lives in danger for the sake of calling themselves a sex worker.

The worse I've seen is a young single mother that brags about all that money she is making, while living from motel to motel with her children in tow with no vehicle. She is bragging about living a lavish life, but is really struggling to pay a motel fee and provide for children. It's a sad situation because so many young single mothers think this is the biggest money craze. Too many women are looking at sex work with money framed lenses. It's sound cliche' but it's heartbreaking.

My overall advice is for women, especially mothers......Research, investigate, be realistic, stop following social media trends and if you do jump head first in the sex business, please separate your sex work from your personal life. Especially your children.

Sunday, April 7, 2019

Postpartum Depression Symptoms and how New mothers can recover



When a new mom is battling depression you may never see signs, or understand the battle she is going through. People assume that a mother suffering from Postpartum depression is just bitter that she has to give up her freedom for her child, or she is upset that she has stretch marks and weight gain. I've heard every misjudgment under the sun. Some even think that the new mom is jealous of the attention her new baby is getting. Society is still in the dark about Postpartum Depression. There are so many misconceptions that need to be understood.

Imagine being a new mom and having to work non stop around the clock, then go nights without much sleep. Now imagine having to console a crying baby throughout the day and sometimes in the middle of the night while you are asleep. Now imagine having to keep up with doctor's appointments, wash baby clothing, change diapers and make milk bottles. (or breastfeed or pump milk) Now, imagine still having to take care of other responsibilities such as bills, rent, finding childcare as well  taking care of your daily hygiene routine. This can be overwhelming, considering that most responsibility falls on the mother. Then add on the guilt a mother feels when she doesn't think she is meeting the needs of her newborn.

Postpartum depression is not limited to sadness, but also anxiety, irritability, appetite changes, changes in sleep patterns as well as weight gain or loss. Usually the same symptoms of regular depression.  This is not just baby blues, which is temporary. Postpartum depression is an illness that requires treatment. Many doctors call Postpartum depression a psychological disorder, which means it is treatable but has to be diagnosed. Most doctors prescribe anti depression medication, therapy, diet changes, and a support groups. My advice is for all mothers to see a doctor, find a support group, use meditation and find other activities like exercise, writing in a journal, getting massages, and having a solid support system of people. It is also a great idea to connect with other mothers for advice, support and guidance. It is best to talk to someone that has lived through Postpartum depression that has a clear understanding.

When I suffered with Postpartum, I didn't understand what it was and was never diagnosed. I was always tired, my appetite increased, and I was very irritable. I couldn't finish certain tasks and I didn't want to do any fun activities. I felt like my mind and body had aged really fast and I couldn't keep up. I guess it was because I was not getting much sleep and eating a lot of junk foods for comfort. I would start cleaning a room, but wouldn't complete it. I would wash clothes, then leave them unfolded on the couch for days. Promising myself I would clean my kitchen and refrigerator, then I would end up sleeping all day. I still had to finish school and struggle to pay bills. Months later, I heard about Postpartum while watching a talk show. This was in the late 90's. It all made sense. Then I started coming across articles in magazines and newspapers about depression. This was before the Internet was in every household. I was confused and lost back then and never could explain why.

Large plus size women should never lower their standards to get a date or long term spouse

                           I would advise any plus size woman not to lower her standards to attract a spouse or get a date. Men are speaking...