Is the polyamorous community based in misogyny?

 

I have come across so many different podcast and reels talking about polyamory and how it is the answer to cheating and holding marriages together. Some women have agreed to indulge in the lifestyle because they are bisexual and want the best of both worlds. Polyamory is a form of ethical or consensual non-monogamy. It involves maintaining committed, intimate, and romantic relationships with more than one person at a time, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

 Some people just need variety and have a desire to love more than one person while getting their sexual needs fulfilled by multiple people. Does this benefit everyone involved? Couples have different agendas, rules, and goals for their open relationship. Some date as a V which means that everything is usually separate. Some date as a triangle and everyone involved in connect and have a relationship with each other even if the women only have a platonic relationship.

What does this really mean for women? Women are usually expected to commit and be faithful to the man in these polyamorous relationships, while men are able to explore with new partners and pick whom he want for dates, trips, and nightcaps. Should women commit and to a man that wants to exercise his options while rubbing it all in his partners face? Some view poly relationships as supervised cheating. A woman knows her man will cheat so she wants to screen the other women or take a peak into the other woman's life and give input on how he should entertain the other woman. All of this is rooted in misogyny.  Its sad that some of these men are purposely setting up these arrangements to make a woman feel inferior or like she is in competition with other women to win a man in return. 

The big question is do these women really want to participate in these relationships that allows the man to have additional women and every woman accepts their role? Is this the only way a woman will have a man in her life? Are women in these relationships allowed to have another man friend or sexual partners of the opposite sex? If not, is are these really open relationships or a cheat code for men to entertain other women in peace? These are questions that women need to answer for themselves before they join a couple or allow another person into their relationship.

After watching a podcast on YouTube with a group of women and men having a discussion, the women felt like the men were misogynistic and using the Polyamorous label to be serial daters and sleep with multiple women while disguising their behavior as being open and honest instead of lying. This is not how an open relationship should work. These relationships still come with responsibilities and all parties involved she be honest. Men have are using polyamourous relationships to bring in multiple partners and the real goal is sex.Just like a man going out the cheat is doing it as an escape outlet and the goal is usually sex. This is all rooted in misogyny where the women have to remain modest while a man can play women against each other and disguise it as being in an open relationship. If the relationship is really open, why is the woman expected to commit and not have another man. Why is the woman expected to commit and not sleep with anyone else. Usually women are allowed to sleep with other women and it is usually for the pleasure of the man. 

Women feel happier and Liberated after Divorce

When I see headlines of a celebrity couple getting a divorce, or someone announces on social media they are separating, I never feel sad. I feel as if the relationship took it's toll , became unbearable and something had to give. Separation and divorce is the start to a new beginning. For any two people to separate means the relationship became a burden filled with unhappiness. Whatever caused the separation whether cheating, money problems, abuse, or substance abuse, it is always best to withdraw from a relationship that is draining the happiness out of us.

Some women will stay in a relationship because of security, children, social pressure, or the image of being in a relationship. Women have been pressured to always have a man or to be on the hunt for one. Society has placed pressure on women to the point some of us feel unfulfilled if a man is not involved in our lives.

I have seen a new group of women in this generation that are happier after divorce. Women are no longer walking in shame after divorce. Divorce is a new beginning to a new life. You do not need a husband to travel, accomplish goals, feel loved, or fit into social norms. No woman should stay in a marriage because she wants to create a certain image to make others feel comfortable. Staying in an unhealthy marriage is depressing as well as toxic. Women are learning this and leaving their cheating spouses and abusive lovers to find peace and self love. Divorce means starting all over for a newly divorced woman, but it doesn't mean pain and bitterness. It's a time to celebrate while leaving the baggage and pain behind.

Abortion Facts, The Truth and the New Laws

It is not uncommon to find a woman that has not had an abortion or considered abortion for an unplanned pregnancy. Birth control fails, relationships fail and some women have no other choice but to terminate a pregnancy. I know that women are shammed for terminating a pregnancy and its usually because of religion or their culture. The truth is, the Laws are changing and more women are finding it harder to gain access to birth control. Some states have certain rules and regulations for obtaining birth control. Now with Alabama putting a ban on abortions, this will be a problem. Many women are already struggling with children. Married couples are struggling emotionally and financially. So if a woman forget to take her birth control pill or a condom breaks, there will be no way for the mother to abort. What does this mean to a couple that wish not to have more children? What does this mean to a college girl that had sex with her boyfriend and didn't use protection? What does this mean for a woman that is taking birth control and her birth control fails. Let's face it, birth control is not 100% effective. You can easily be that person that becomes pregnant after getting a birth control shot or using a condom.

Now, with the proposed ban in Alabama, more women will be forced to give birth even if they were raped. I could not imagine having to carry a baby for a rapist. Women will be forced to do this. In addition, imagine the emotional turmoil for having to carry, birth, and raise a child that you were forced to have. A lot of children will end up in the foster system, or abused and neglected. Also, we have to consider children that have birth defects. Mothers will be forced to birth them as well and raise them. 

There are mothers that are already in bad financial situations and cannot afford to birth another child. Even married couples are going through hardships. Bringing another child into a poor situation will make things worse for the family and the unexpected child. 

The reason so many men are bitter about Ciara and Russel's marriage

Ciara has been the target of many angry bitter men all over the internet. Ciara is a talented singer and dancer, once dated rapper Future and has a child with him. Prior to him, she dated other men in the music industry before settling down and marrying Russell, who is a wealthy professional foot ball player.
 It is very common for men, especially black men to bash their marriage. Russell has been refereed to as a simp, a wimp, a punk and a fool for marrying a woman that had a baby prior to the marriage. Ciara and Russell appear to be very happy, content and deeply in love, yet we see many bitter men, that are bothered by this family unit. Ciara has been accused of being a gold digger, a THOT, or a user and a woman with mileage on her vagina. Yes, I've seen that posted online. People have become obsessed with their marriage and have constantly made rants about their union. Women are usually cheering the marriage on, while men are angry and bitter. I've seen men get on twitter and Facebook and boldly announce their disgust for Ciara and Russell being a couple.

The reality is, people don't like to see a woman upgrade and improve her life after being considered sluty or promiscuous. I don't know if Ciara was ever promiscuous but there have been rumors that only she can confirm. I don't knock her or judge her if she did go through a hoe faze. The truth is, people think single mothers are suppose to suffer and are forever in debt to society for having a child young or out of wedlock. There will be people that will see a permanent stain on Ciara because she dated a few men and had a baby with a rapper. Ciara is entitled to be happy like anyone else. She and Russell owe it to each other.

Men are really angry and hating hard because Russell just signed a new contract. He is one of the highest paid professional athletes right now. After the announcement, men ran to social media to express their anger. They are angry that the once single mother that dated rappers is married to a multimillionaire. Men are bitter because they feel that a man of Russel's status should have married a virgin with no sexual background.

More women prefer to remain single longer

Women are no longer feeling the need to be confined to a relationship. More women are driven by career, financial security, education, and self sustainability. It is no longer a goal for women to graduate from college and walk down the aisle with a spouse. Women are getting married and having children later in life.

As I get older, I do not see a need to rush into a relationship and tie myself down to a spouse. Even casual dating can be draining and overwhelming. Trying to balance children, career, and mental health can be exhausting enough. Adding a relationship to the equation can feel like a full time job with no breaks or time off. Being in a relationship is like two adult baby sitting one another. Two adults trying hard to keep each other happy and occupied. It should come natural, instead of feeling like work..That may sound exaggerated, but the truth is relationships can feel like punching in a clock and working to make somebody happy. Especially if you have a mate that is clingy and wants to constantly stay connected through phone calls and text messages.

I met a young man a few months ago that constantly called me during work hours, Even after I told him I don't take personal calls during the day. He continued to text me and would get uneasy when I didn't text back or answer my phone. I had to cut him off immediately because I didn't want to be responsible for constantly checking my phone or constantly keeping another adult occupied. He didn't want to understand or hear me out when I told him I was busy and usually didn't want to be bothered when I get home from work. He didn't want to hear this, now mix that with a man with entitlement issues and you have a unhappy man. I'd rather stay single and not date until I am ready for something serious.