Single Mothers Bitter.....Or Just Fed Up with Disappointment

Single mothers are expected to endure everything while working, raising children, and holding down the house. People don't seem to care because they view single mothers as irresponsible or stupid for not picking the perfect man. Nobody goes out and chose a deadbeat on purpose. Nobody goes out and deliberately chose a man that is unworthy unless they are suffering from mental health problems. "You picked the wrong man, you had children too young, you put yourself in this situation", is a constant reminder from people that think they are in positions to discipline single mothers.

Many times, the mother never had positive examples of what a father is suppose to be. In many urban communities, the father is absent or he is in the home abusing the mother mentally and physically. Another example is a working father that comes homes and isolates himself from his family. Maybe he's too tired to engage and would rather watch sports and hide in a man cave. It's hard to understand what a man is suppose to do and how a real man is suppose to act if you haven't seen many positive examples in your childhood.

I take full responsible and hold myself accountable, but this should not be an excuse for a man to not be responsible.
We have to endure a lot of public backlash and humiliation. This is what most people do, instead of holding both parents responsibility. Like the old chant when I was a kid "boys do the dirty work, girls take the blame"

When you label a mother as bitter, especially a single mother, you must ask yourself..... Is she really bitter, or just serious and not playing games with her her life and the life of her offspring? Is she really bitter or has she learned from prior mishaps and mistakes. Is she really bitter, or is she more focused. Is she bitter, or is she holding men accountable for not being responsible men.

A deadbeat's Favorite Excuse for Being an Absent Dad

Women, be very cautious and suspect when a man says "I can't see my children, or "She won't let me see my kids". Or "She won't tell me were she live with my kids".

Issues like this can be resolved in court and it doesn't cost money for a man to file paperwork for visitations and joint custody.
In many cases, the mother has a restraining order on the father because of violence or vandalism of property. A judge will normally allow visitations even if the father is behind in child support or has been to prison. The judge will make arrangements for monitored visitations. Even drug addicts and men with mental health problems are allowed to see their children under monitored visitations.
These men are not telling you the full story. They are not telling you about the domestic violence, stalking, threatening text messages, and vandalizing property that led up to restraining orders. Even still they can get monitored visitations.
But it's always easy to just "She Won't Let Me" to avoid explaining that you have a history of abuse and neglect.

If a father wants to see his children, and he claims he is dealing with a difficult woman, he can always go to court. He can petition the court for visitations and joint custody. There are relationships that ended sour for whatever reasons, however a child should have both parents in their lives. It is not fair for a father to be absent. It is also unfair for a mother to isolate the children from the father for personal reasons, but if their is a history of violence, stalking, and vandalism, the mother has every right to protect herself/child/property from a violent father. From that point the parents need to deal with court system and have a mediator. 

Men that wanna be Fathers when it's convenient for them

The hardest part about being a parent, is having to do the majority of the work on your own when you and your ex spouse agreed that they would help after the split. This is not fair to a child to have a  mother that is constantly tired and overwhelmed. Not just physically overwhelmed, but financially and mentally overwhelmed. The absent parent is usually not concerned with the well being of the child or the mental health of the struggling mother. An absent father usually want to be involved when he/she is feeling guilty or when it is convenient for them. Absent fathers are involved when it fits their schedule, when they feel like it, or when they are not holding a grudge. It's not fair for the child, when he only is able to feel his father's love during sporting events or engagements like proms or graduations. The parent with full custody is responsible for taking the child/children to doctors appointments, school conferences, recreational events, and making sure they have food and clean clothing daily. The absent father is only available when he feels guilty or when it benefits him. For example, a dead beat parent will pick his children up during the holidays to show off the children as prizes or ornaments. Or the dead beat father will show up at football games or little league baseball games to play the proud father role. It's all fake to make the dead beat parent feel good about themselves. More than anything, it's not fair to the child, the child will grow to resent the dead beat parent because the child will begin to understand that he/she is only being used by the absent father.

Men that complain about paying child support

What's makes a deadbeat parent complain about paying child support? Well, most deadbeats don't want anyone giving them responsibility, that's why they avoid their children in the first place. A deadbeat parent will pay rent, buy clothing, eat, and put gas in their car to travel. Not all deadbeat dads are broke/poor.  That is a myth. They just don't feel like they have an obligation to their children. Many dead beat parents don't feel as if they should help the child/children once they split from the mom. Deadbeats complain about child support but fail to see that their children need financial support. Babies need diapers and milk. Growing toddlers need clothing and food. Growing teens have needs that require money. Let's not mention the custodial parent has to pay rent, car notes, insurance, and other necessities. The dead beat parent doesn't care about the needs of the child, they feel like the custodial parent should suffer. This is like punishing the child because the relationship didn't work. The actual factual is that the child cannot survive on air and water. A child needs financial support. It's no way around it. There are so many people on social media that complain about paying child support and comparing it to slavery. I've seen bitter women upset because their boyfriend is obligated to pay child support. There are women that feel like child support is a bitter baby momma's revenge. The truth is that whether the baby momma is bitter, angry or frustrated, the child is still entitled to eat and have support. It's not about bitterness, or two parents not getting along. Put your pride aside, put your selfishness aside and support your children. If the absent parent is the mother, then she should be obligated to pay support.

Did Welfare replace black fathers, or did fathers abandon their families by choice

Many people believe that the welfare system was set up to put black men out of the home so that black women would suffer and suffer in poverty. There are conscious community followers that believe black women put good black men out of the home in order to get food-stamps and cash aid from the government. My question is: Why would a woman put out a good hardworking man that she loves to suffer in poverty?

 I can't say that welfare was set up for this reason. Welfare was not started for black women. We need to stop believing these lies that the government wanted to give black women welfare so that the father/husband could be put out of the home. Many women needed welfare to survive when the husband died, abandoned the family, or when times got too hard and money was not available. There were women that lost their husband in death and had no insurance, as a result they had to sign up for welfare. There were men that chose drugs, crime or other women over their family.

The excuse for women being on welfare only makes the absent father or negligent husband look good. Now, a worthless no good man can leave his family, then tell the world that he was put out because of welfare. No woman is putting out a good hard working provider for crumbs. If your wife is willing to divorce you for some crumbs and some food stamps that come on an ebt card once a month, chances are, you were not providing. We need to stop with the excuses and face the facts and deal with the truth. Fabricating the truth will not change the facts. Many women needed welfare back then, and still today because they need help financially. I don't agree with welfare being a long term income, but there are women that would be homeless and hungry if it wasn't for welfare. Furthermore, the welfare system doesn't allow women to stay on the system forever. Women are encouraged to attend school, ready for work programs, or learn a trade There are time limits. No women or man can depend on welfare because there are time limits to how long you can receive assistant. We are not living in the 1960's. Things have changed.