Women feel happier and Liberated after Divorce

When I see headlines of a celebrity couple getting a divorce, or someone announces on social media they are separating, I never feel sad. I feel as if the relationship took it's toll , became unbearable and something had to give. Separation and divorce is the start to a new beginning. For any two people to separate means the relationship became a burden filled with unhappiness. Whatever caused the separation whether cheating, money problems, abuse, or substance abuse, it is always best to withdraw from a relationship that is draining the happiness out of us.

Some women will stay in a relationship because of security, children, social pressure, or the image of being in a relationship. Women have been pressured to always have a man or to be on the hunt for one. Society has placed pressure on women to the point some of us feel unfulfilled if a man is not involved in our lives.

I have seen a new group of women in this generation that are happier after divorce. Women are no longer walking in shame after divorce. Divorce is a new beginning to a new life. You do not need a husband to travel, accomplish goals, feel loved, or fit into social norms. No woman should stay in a marriage because she wants to create a certain image to make others feel comfortable. Staying in an unhealthy marriage is depressing as well as toxic. Women are learning this and leaving their cheating spouses and abusive lovers to find peace and self love. Divorce means starting all over for a newly divorced woman, but it doesn't mean pain and bitterness. It's a time to celebrate while leaving the baggage and pain behind.

Single Mothers Bitter.....Or Just Fed Up with Disappointment

Single mothers are expected to endure everything while working, raising children, and holding down the house. People don't seem to care because they view single mothers as irresponsible or stupid for not picking the perfect man. Nobody goes out and chose a deadbeat on purpose. Nobody goes out and deliberately chose a man that is unworthy unless they are suffering from mental health problems. "You picked the wrong man, you had children too young, you put yourself in this situation", is a constant reminder from people that think they are in positions to discipline single mothers.

Many times, the mother never had positive examples of what a father is suppose to be. In many urban communities, the father is absent or he is in the home abusing the mother mentally and physically. Another example is a working father that comes homes and isolates himself from his family. Maybe he's too tired to engage and would rather watch sports and hide in a man cave. It's hard to understand what a man is suppose to do and how a real man is suppose to act if you haven't seen many positive examples in your childhood.

I take full responsible and hold myself accountable, but this should not be an excuse for a man to not be responsible.
We have to endure a lot of public backlash and humiliation. This is what most people do, instead of holding both parents responsibility. Like the old chant when I was a kid "boys do the dirty work, girls take the blame"

When you label a mother as bitter, especially a single mother, you must ask yourself..... Is she really bitter, or just serious and not playing games with her her life and the life of her offspring? Is she really bitter or has she learned from prior mishaps and mistakes. Is she really bitter, or is she more focused. Is she bitter, or is she holding men accountable for not being responsible men.

Why men pass up single mothers as dating options

I see a lot of men complaining about dating single mothers or saying they avoid dating single mothers because we are so busy. Their reasons are usually because mothers have tight schedules when they have children and can't constantly entertain men.

The issue with men is that they want to be the center of everything. Men always want to come first and want you to always be available when they call, when they want to visit, or when they want to go out. They cannot come first with single mothers and this is what men hate.

They want you to be dressed and ready when they call. They want to be able to come over and fuck at the drop of a dime. They want you to constantly answer text messages, cater to them, entertain them and put them on a pedestal. Men like to feel needed and get their ego fed with a golden spoon. This is not realistic for women that are raising children. Men will not get the attention and affection they are so desperate for. Unless the mother is desperate for penis validation, she will put her children first and invest in her offspring.

Decent women raising children, usually invest in their children instead of a male fling. Since the male ego is so fragile and delicate,men don't want to feel like they are competing, even with children. Men want the special treatment and attention that children get, Men want their sexual and mental needs met no matter who it's an inconvenience for.
So yea, this is why they avoid women with children. They know they have to compete for your time and will usually put on the back burner.

Abortion Facts, The Truth and the New Laws

It is not uncommon to find a woman that has not had an abortion or considered abortion for an unplanned pregnancy. Birth control fails, relationships fail and some women have no other choice but to terminate a pregnancy. I know that women are shammed for terminating a pregnancy and its usually because of religion or their culture. The truth is, the Laws are changing and more women are finding it harder to gain access to birth control. Some states have certain rules and regulations for obtaining birth control. Now with Alabama putting a ban on abortions, this will be a problem. Many women are already struggling with children. Married couples are struggling emotionally and financially. So if a woman forget to take her birth control pill or a condom breaks, there will be no way for the mother to abort. What does this mean to a couple that wish not to have more children? What does this mean to a college girl that had sex with her boyfriend and didn't use protection? What does this mean for a woman that is taking birth control and her birth control fails. Let's face it, birth control is not 100% effective. You can easily be that person that becomes pregnant after getting a birth control shot or using a condom.

Now, with the proposed ban in Alabama, more women will be forced to give birth even if they were raped. I could not imagine having to carry a baby for a rapist. Women will be forced to do this. In addition, imagine the emotional turmoil for having to carry, birth, and raise a child that you were forced to have. A lot of children will end up in the foster system, or abused and neglected. Also, we have to consider children that have birth defects. Mothers will be forced to birth them as well and raise them. 

There are mothers that are already in bad financial situations and cannot afford to birth another child. Even married couples are going through hardships. Bringing another child into a poor situation will make things worse for the family and the unexpected child. 

A deadbeat's Favorite Excuse for Being an Absent Dad

Women, be very cautious and suspect when a man says "I can't see my children, or "She won't let me see my kids". Or "She won't tell me were she live with my kids".

Issues like this can be resolved in court and it doesn't cost money for a man to file paperwork for visitations and joint custody.
In many cases, the mother has a restraining order on the father because of violence or vandalism of property. A judge will normally allow visitations even if the father is behind in child support or has been to prison. The judge will make arrangements for monitored visitations. Even drug addicts and men with mental health problems are allowed to see their children under monitored visitations.
These men are not telling you the full story. They are not telling you about the domestic violence, stalking, threatening text messages, and vandalizing property that led up to restraining orders. Even still they can get monitored visitations.
But it's always easy to just "She Won't Let Me" to avoid explaining that you have a history of abuse and neglect.

If a father wants to see his children, and he claims he is dealing with a difficult woman, he can always go to court. He can petition the court for visitations and joint custody. There are relationships that ended sour for whatever reasons, however a child should have both parents in their lives. It is not fair for a father to be absent. It is also unfair for a mother to isolate the children from the father for personal reasons, but if their is a history of violence, stalking, and vandalism, the mother has every right to protect herself/child/property from a violent father. From that point the parents need to deal with court system and have a mediator. 

The reason so many men are bitter about Ciara and Russel's marriage

Ciara has been the target of many angry bitter men all over the internet. Ciara is a talented singer and dancer, once dated rapper Future and has a child with him. Prior to him, she dated other men in the music industry before settling down and marrying Russell, who is a wealthy professional foot ball player.
 It is very common for men, especially black men to bash their marriage. Russell has been refereed to as a simp, a wimp, a punk and a fool for marrying a woman that had a baby prior to the marriage. Ciara and Russell appear to be very happy, content and deeply in love, yet we see many bitter men, that are bothered by this family unit. Ciara has been accused of being a gold digger, a THOT, or a user and a woman with mileage on her vagina. Yes, I've seen that posted online. People have become obsessed with their marriage and have constantly made rants about their union. Women are usually cheering the marriage on, while men are angry and bitter. I've seen men get on twitter and Facebook and boldly announce their disgust for Ciara and Russell being a couple.

The reality is, people don't like to see a woman upgrade and improve her life after being considered sluty or promiscuous. I don't know if Ciara was ever promiscuous but there have been rumors that only she can confirm. I don't knock her or judge her if she did go through a hoe faze. The truth is, people think single mothers are suppose to suffer and are forever in debt to society for having a child young or out of wedlock. There will be people that will see a permanent stain on Ciara because she dated a few men and had a baby with a rapper. Ciara is entitled to be happy like anyone else. She and Russell owe it to each other.

Men are really angry and hating hard because Russell just signed a new contract. He is one of the highest paid professional athletes right now. After the announcement, men ran to social media to express their anger. They are angry that the once single mother that dated rappers is married to a multimillionaire. Men are bitter because they feel that a man of Russel's status should have married a virgin with no sexual background.

Single Fathers VS Single Mothers

As I was browsing and clicking around on facebook, I came across a viral picture with the story of a man that was taking care of his children after his wife passed away. So many people praised and applauded the father for being a father. Many women made comments about him being a great guy, a strong male, and a stand up guy. The comments were going on and on about how this father was so great for taking care of his children. Some people even expressed sympathy for him and spoke highly of the man even though they didn't know him personally, however, I didn't see anything great.

I was not very impressed that he was being a father to his own biological children, although many people saw this single father as a hero for simply being a father. A man should be a father whether the mother is alive or not. I didn't get the hype because women take care of children alone all the time. Women get left with children everyday and become the face of welfare jokes, single momma jokes, and are shamed and slammed for taking care of the children. Single fathers get applauded and praised while single mothers are ridiculed and told to "pick better men". The bar is set so low for black fathers, which mean that a black man can do the minimum and be seen as an Icon.


All my life, I witnessed  women struggling with children while going to college, working and sometimes having to take on seasonal work just to pay the bills. Women that work hard to provide for their children are usually slammed and ridiculed. I've seen single mothers get criticized for attending working extra hours, while a single father get worshipped. Single mothers are seen as failures and carry a stigma. Could this be one of the reasons that so many mothers suffer from depression and other mental health conditions? Women are expected to work non stop, and no matter how hard we believe we are working, it's never enough. Unless your a single dad of course.

Should single mothers work and attend college

This has been a touchy topic all over social media and within our communities. Should single mothers work and attend college?
Can single mothers work, raise children and attend college? I say yes. With another Yes! And another Yes!!! Obtaining a degree, license, or certificate doesn't take a lifetime. There are Weekend colleges, online classes, as well as night courses. Colleges are now more flexible and usually most classes can be taken at home in private. Some classes only require a few hours per week, which gives a mother more time for herself and meeting the needs of her children.
A working mom, can study at the table while her children are studying. See a mother read, and complete assignments will encourage children to read and spend time studying. Children usually are inspired to see their parents working and taking on new challenges. The goal is to become educated, start a business or get a better job. Having an education will open doors to better career opportunities such as promotions and management positions. Some mothers are increasing their skills and knowledge to start a small business so that they can have a flexible schedule for their children.

Why is Statatorial Rape still being accepted (Part 2)

Teen mothers usually become single mothers. The single mothers that everybody like to shame were actually victims of statutory rape. These young single mothers were victims to grown men. It's easy to call these young teen moms whores, THOTs, sluts, fast or whatever. The truth is, a lot of young underage girls fall prey to grown men. Most teenage mothers don't get pregnant by boys their own age, they usually get pregnant by grown men. This happens so frequently that the girls are usually blamed and people assume that the teen girl seduced the grown man. Too many grown men have gotten away with a crime, leaving a teen a lifetime of responsibility. Men don't like to address this. It's always been convenient to just call the girls fast or blame them for not being watched by their parents.

Homeless Single Mothers in Poverty

Many women are struggling in states and cities with no rent control. Many single mothers are left alone in poverty with limited help. I'm sure people will blame the women for getting pregnant by the wrong man, or by laying down with a dead beat. It's easy to blame women, and give men a pass for child abandonment, however the bigger picture is that many women and children are suffering. In most states the weather is cold and many have to reside in shelters to avoid being outdoors. I've been in a few groups on Facebook that are full of suffering women trying to climb out of the pits of  poverty. Some were abandoned by their husbands, ex boyfriends and family members. I know it's easy to say that these women are the cause of their own pain, but my heart goes out to these women. I know how hard it is to struggle with no help and be expected to stay mentally stable while caring for a young child. This is a very tough time of year especially with many people experiencing SAD. (Seasonal Depression) This is a time of year when children need new winter clothing and jackets. Children expect Christmas presents, even if you don't celebrate holidays. It can also be very mentally draining if you are not around family or in another state away from family. I've seen so many women in help groups need access to hotel vouchers, emergency shelters, and emergency money for Move in fees for apartment. I just wanted to get this off my chest because this has been on my heart.

Men that wanna be Fathers when it's convenient for them

The hardest part about being a parent, is having to do the majority of the work on your own when you and your ex spouse agreed that they would help after the split. This is not fair to a child to have a  mother that is constantly tired and overwhelmed. Not just physically overwhelmed, but financially and mentally overwhelmed. The absent parent is usually not concerned with the well being of the child or the mental health of the struggling mother. An absent father usually want to be involved when he/she is feeling guilty or when it is convenient for them. Absent fathers are involved when it fits their schedule, when they feel like it, or when they are not holding a grudge. It's not fair for the child, when he only is able to feel his father's love during sporting events or engagements like proms or graduations. The parent with full custody is responsible for taking the child/children to doctors appointments, school conferences, recreational events, and making sure they have food and clean clothing daily. The absent father is only available when he feels guilty or when it benefits him. For example, a dead beat parent will pick his children up during the holidays to show off the children as prizes or ornaments. Or the dead beat father will show up at football games or little league baseball games to play the proud father role. It's all fake to make the dead beat parent feel good about themselves. More than anything, it's not fair to the child, the child will grow to resent the dead beat parent because the child will begin to understand that he/she is only being used by the absent father.

Men telling single mothers to chose better next time

Why do men always tell women to choose better after lying to lure them in?
Whenever a woman ends up in a bad situation with a man, she is accused of choosing a bad man. Whether the man turns out to be in debt, a deadbeat father, a cheater, or abusive, the woman is usually blamed for the behavior. Or she is simply blamed for not seeing the bad behavior beforehand.

A man will convince a woman that he is faithful, building wealth, a family man and everything else she wants to hear. He will promise her everything that she desires. Men will go through every obstacles to get a woman's undivided attention. Whether he is just looking for sex, a casual girlfriend or a trophy piece to show off. Men will tell lie after lie to convince a woman that he is a Good man. Like the comedian Chris Rock said in a comedy routine years ago, when you first meet a person you are only meeting their representative. You are not meeting the real person. You are meeting a façade. The guy is usually on his best behavior and doing everything he possibly can to please and impress. He will spend money, give compliments, even give her hope for the future. Once the woman let down her guards and allow he man in, his true colors start to show.

Everything is fake. It's all a theatrical act to get a woman to open up her heart or her legs. Then once the woman gives in, she is labeled a fool. When things go down hill the woman is blamed for being stupid or naïve. She is accused of not picking a better man. It's hard to pick a good man when a man is lying about everything and wearing a mask. I always tell women to hold back and be very cautious about whom you get close to. He may appear to be nice and sweet. He will work hard at convincing you that he is a great gentleman. He will convince you that he is a great man with great potential. Men are not going to admit they are only out to get laid and play games. They are not going to tell you that they cheat and have multiple children that they don't support. Their main objective is to convince you that they are the best man for you.

My Best Advice for Single Mothers

10 things that single mothers should keep in consideration. My advice to mothers:

1. Your self worth is not determined by marriage or getting and keeping a man.

2. Being a single mother shouldn't stop you from dating or having sexual relations that are healthy.

3. Being a single mother is not a death sentence, you should be able to take breaks and enjoy some "me Time" This could include spa treatments, lunch dates, girls night at the movies, or a nature walk alone.

4.You don't have to settle because you are a single mother.  You do not have to settle for a broke unstable man.

5. As a single mother, you shouldn't have to give into struggle love, which is getting involved with a man that has nothing to offer but hardships and penis. This is the single guy that has no vehicle, still in college after multiple years with no degree, behind in child support and on probation/parole, or the brother that doesn't have his own housing or job. Don't feel like you have to struggle or support him because he's a nice guy struggling.

6.You need to rest. You are not a powerful machine. Lay down and rest. You don't have to stay up late every night washing clothes, dusting the furniture and trying to catch up on every show you recorded.

7. Invest in yourself. As stated before invest in beauty products, invest in your health, invest and save your money.

8. You are not a disease. Single mothers have been on planet earth since the beginning. Do not allow others to make you feel guilty for being a single mother. Don't ever let others discourage you or put shame on your for giving birth.

9. Be prepared for emergencies. Always have a close friend or a neighbor that you can go to in an emergency for childcare. Have money put away for emergencies.

10. Do not feel bad about splurging on something you really like. Maybe a new purse, makeup, perfumes, or a new pair of shoes.

Low Standards For Single Black Mothers

Why do men assume that Black Single mothers should lower their standards?
Men assume that black single mothers are desperate for love, attention and a warm body in their bed. Far too many men, make the assumption that single mothers should be grateful for what ever left over scraps they can get from a man. Oh, NO! This is so not true. Single mothers should have the highest standards and accept nothin but a quality man that is stable. Not just financially stable, but mentally stable as well. Single mothers can not give these men the benefit of the doubt or wait for a grown man to get his life together. Single mothers should aim for the man that is stable, healthy, and mature. Most women got into poor relationships, because we were taught to give a man the benefit of the doubt. We were taught to love a man despite his looks, career, or financial situation. That way of thinking got us in a lot of emotional trouble.