The cost of living contributing to stress, depression, and anxiety

    As the cost of living continues to rise, more people are working extra side jobs and going back to school to obtain skills for higher pay. Housing cost is on the rise with less people are able to afford homes and some not making enough to rent apartments. More families are moving to more affordable states leaving their old lives behind for better opportunities. For some people, they do not have a support system to just leave, they are forced to stay in their current states and continue to struggle paying high rent. States such as California and New York are very expensive and also overcrowded resulting in people competing for apartments with hundreds of other applicants. This can take it's toll on our mental health. Living paycheck to paycheck in  a country like America is unacceptable. We have enough resources, we pay taxes, and we have the best technology, yet we seem to be behind when it comes to affordable substantial housing.

    Many people are exhausted and overwhelmed which is leading to more people being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Many are relying on antidepressants to help them cope day to day with the overwhelming cost of living. People are working full-time jobs and side gigs just to survive. They are not living a lavish lifestyle, they are just trying to survive and make a way above water. The cost of living is also keeping people in broken relationships they would never not be in. Many women are staying in abusive relationships because they cannot afford the cost of an apartment. Gas prices are up. Food prices are sky high making it hard for many people to purchase healthy foods and relying on cheap processed foods.

Many young adult will not be able to afford their own housing even after attending college. Low paying jobs require a college degree or a license which means most young adults must obtain a degree or a certification for most jobs. This still does not guarantee they will be able to afford housing. The best option is to get a few room mates or live at home until they are capable of surviving. This affects their mental health and interferes with them adjusting to adult life.

Take your mind off the CoronaVirus to preserve Your Mental Health

People are stressed and exhausted while driving all over trying to find food, cleaning supplies, and tissue. People with children are worried about feeding their little ones and keeping them occupied while they are out of school. We must also think about our mental health and how to stay calm during this crisis. I know families are anxious, depressed, scared, overwhelmed with fear of what is happening and what it means for our future. The thought of our country going into another recession has people up all night ruminating.

No need to panic, but we should be safe, cautious, and make sure we stay in doors as much as we can. We must continuously wash our hands and cover our coughs while outdoors. Even inside, make sure to limit visitors and use bleach and lysol to clean. If you do not have either, use hot water and a soap mixture to clean door handles, light switches, remotes, laptops and countertops.
We should be concerned especially those of us that have children and the elderly that have weakened immune systems. Our stores are being cleaned out because people are in panic mode and assuming stores we all have to survive without new merchandise for the next weeks or months. We must have faith and be optimistic about the turnout of this crisis. Try not to worry to the point you are constantly in fear of getting sick.

Ways to relax and take your mind off the CoronaVirus while indoors

Turn off the TV and Social Media. Turn the news off. It will worry you and over exaggerate things

Do some cleaning around the house. Rearrange the kitchen cabinets, book cases, or bathrooms

Read those books and magazine you've have sitting around.

Call friends and have a real conversation. Talk about highschool, fun times, romance, or future plans.

Watch a funny movie or a comedy show.

Watch cartoons with the kids. Have fun to take their mind off the chaos.

Draw or color some pictures.

Do a crossword puzzle.

Meditate. Do some deep breathing exercises to relax.

Do a fitness routine. Find some on youtube.

Turn up some music and dance. Burn some calories.

Take a long warm bubble bath with candles. Use a good smelly shower gel or bath bombs.

Write a handwritten note to someone, even if they never read it.

Goals and Mental Awareness Check for the New Decade 2020

New year New Decade. Everyone has set goals and have new things they are starting for the New Year. Weight Loss, going back to school, buying new furniture or taking a new class.
Do not forget about things such as mental health improvement. Let's set goals for things that really affect our mental health such as cutting off negative toxic people that weigh us down. Let's get out of any relationship that doesn't bring us happiness and peace. Let's stop procrastinating to the point it make our life messy, cluttered, and leaves us worried and stressed at the last minute. For example, doing school work at the last minute or laundry at the last minute will cause stress and clutter in our lives. Time to declutter our rooms, work areas, kitchens and purses. Let's get organized.

The Symptoms of Depression, The Tears and Fears

The symptoms of depression shows in so many ways that we do not always recognize it. The symptoms vary from person to person msking us feel sadness, heartache, numbness and even physical pain. It robs us daily and takes all of our energy, passion, and hope. Sometimes depression sneaks up on us and we do not realize it until we are behind in bills, quitting a job, or jumping into a new relations. Often the symptoms of depression seem normal. We blame everything and everyone outside of ourselves. We blame our jobs, our children, our spouse even the weather.

Depression has often been referred to as a silent killer, robbing a person of their happiness, strength, energy and health. It doesn't have to be this way. Depression doesn't have to drain you everyday and steal your joy. Stand up to depression. Cry it out, then get up and fight back. Depression will make you feel as if you have no purpose in life. That is the dirty trick that depression plays on you. Depression will pull you back into bed when you know you have things to get accomplished. Depression will tell you to continue eating although you set a goal to lose weight. Depression will tell you that your beauty has faded.

It is hard yes, it is a struggle when you don't want to get out bed, when you want to sit in a dark house with the curtains closed. Those are the days that you have to give yourself that extra push. Force yourself out of the house. Force yourself to the gym, to the grocery store, or to the park to walk and enjoy nature. Don't let depression keep you hidden away. Depression is a battle. The more you stay locked away and isolated, the more you become depressed. Face depression and fight back. The more you postpone cleaning up or organizing your life, the more you feel unaccomplished. This is the cycle of depression. Face depression, face all fears, shed tears, then get back up. Continue to get up. You deserve your happiness. You deserve to get out of the house everyday, you deserved to be happy and enjoy life. You deserve to be free. Come out of that mental hostage and take your life back. You are entitled to yours. It's your life. It's a struggle, but you only live once.

Suffering from depression as a Young woman

Growing up, I recall being happy and carefree. Even though I went through hardships, I still remember being happy and full of life. Like most children, I had dreams and goals that thought about. how life would be as an adult. I wanted to travel, go away to college, party, then settle down with a wealthy husband that would worship the ground I walked upon. That all sounded good, and looking back probably unrealistic. Regardless I was happy and enjoyed life up until my late teens when I became a mother. Yep, I suffered from bouts of postpartum depression but never was diagnosed. Back then, postpartum depression was still a taboo subject that everyone was told to just pray about. Things got worse over time as I began working, being a single mother, then an abusive relationship. I feel deep into depression. A deep dark depression. Some days I felt like I was buried alive. Physically living, but my soul was dead. I was just shifting through life with no purpose, no meaning. Working day to day just to pay bills, then waking up every morning feeling defeated. I would wake up tired and had to drag myself out of bed daily.

I would sit and think "How did it get like this" I use to be happy. I use to love life and have friends. I use to look forward to hanging out, laughing and being social. I couldn't find myself. I couldn't find that happy person. I was somebody different. I was depressed but couldn't figure out why.

Growing up as a child, no one looks forward to suffering from depression. Who prepares for depression or other mental health issues? I never heard of a class growing up that prepares children for depression. Depression was never really spoken about it. It was something that just comes from out of nowhere like a fucking wrecking ball. What happened to the good ol' days. What happened to laughing and telling jokes with friends? What happened to listening to loud music, feeling happy and looking forward to a prosperous future. I'm still fighting for the dream I had as a child. My dream was to simply be happy.

Domestic Violence Awareness and why women feel Obligated To Stay

When we think of Domestic violence we tend to think of movies like Enough starring Jennifer Lopez, or Sleeping with the Enemy. In movies like this, the victim fights back and escape as the hero. In real life, stories of domestic violence don't usually end like the movies. Unfortunately, victims of domestic violence have to escape with their children and hide out in a battered women's shelter. Some victims stay with the abuser out of fear.

People often believe that women want to stay with their abuser because they are deep in love. Even if the victim is in love with her abuser, it is still not a reason to blame the victim. This is a form of Stockholm syndrome, in which the victim sympathize with their abuser and never reach out for help. The victim also sees the abuser as a victim and will make up excuses for him. Maybe he was abused as a child and the victim sympathize with him.

Victims stay for many reasons. In many cases the victim don't have a support system or family to rely on. Financial dependency is one of the reasons that victims are afraid to venture out of the relationship. Many victims of domestic violence have a family history of abuse and neglect. They may have seen their mom, aunts, or older neighbors get mentally and physically abused. In these cases, the victim feels as if mental and physical abuse is normal. They may view  physical abuse as a life circumstance that cannot be avoided.

It is common for abusers to isolate the victim from their family and friends in order to mentally control them. Without family support, the victim will feel more challenged to leave the abuser.
Usually feeling isolated and believing that the abuser is the only person she can depend on. Telling a  victim that nobody love them, or nobody cares about them is a mental game that abusers use to mentally control their victim. The abuser will break down the victim's self esteem and make them feel as if they deserve the abuse. The abuser may have convinced people around him that he is a decent person, and the victim is the combative one in the relationship. A classic case of a narcissist.

Women are not enjoying their time with the abuser as some people have assume. Victims live in isolation and fear. Victims tend to stay because of  lack of self love, lack of resources, dependency,  no family support and fear of being harmed for trying to escape. Never assume that a victim wanna be with their abuser. If you know someone that is being abused, be supportive and help them find a way out.

Postpartum Depression Symptoms and how New mothers can recover

When a new mom is battling depression you may never see signs, or understand the battle she is going through. People assume that a mother suffering from Postpartum depression is just bitter that she has to give up her freedom for her child, or she is upset that she has stretch marks and weight gain. I've heard every misjudgment under the sun. Some even think that the new mom is jealous of the attention her new baby is getting. Society is still in the dark about Postpartum Depression. There are so many misconceptions that need to be understood.

Imagine being a new mom and having to work non stop around the clock, then go nights without much sleep. Now imagine having to console a crying baby throughout the day and sometimes in the middle of the night while you are asleep. Now imagine having to keep up with doctor's appointments, wash baby clothing, change diapers and make milk bottles. (or breastfeed or pump milk) Now, imagine still having to take care of other responsibilities such as bills, rent, finding childcare as well  taking care of your daily hygiene routine. This can be overwhelming, considering that most responsibility falls on the mother. Then add on the guilt a mother feels when she doesn't think she is meeting the needs of her newborn.

Postpartum depression is not limited to sadness, but also anxiety, irritability, appetite changes, changes in sleep patterns as well as weight gain or loss. Usually the same symptoms of regular depression.  This is not just baby blues, which is temporary. Postpartum depression is an illness that requires treatment. Many doctors call Postpartum depression a psychological disorder, which means it is treatable but has to be diagnosed. Most doctors prescribe anti depression medication, therapy, diet changes, and a support groups. My advice is for all mothers to see a doctor, find a support group, use meditation and find other activities like exercise, writing in a journal, getting massages, and having a solid support system of people. It is also a great idea to connect with other mothers for advice, support and guidance. It is best to talk to someone that has lived through Postpartum depression that has a clear understanding.

When I suffered with Postpartum, I didn't understand what it was and was never diagnosed. I was always tired, my appetite increased, and I was very irritable. I couldn't finish certain tasks and I didn't want to do any fun activities. I felt like my mind and body had aged really fast and I couldn't keep up. I guess it was because I was not getting much sleep and eating a lot of junk foods for comfort. I would start cleaning a room, but wouldn't complete it. I would wash clothes, then leave them unfolded on the couch for days. Promising myself I would clean my kitchen and refrigerator, then I would end up sleeping all day. I still had to finish school and struggle to pay bills. Months later, I heard about Postpartum while watching a talk show. This was in the late 90's. It all made sense. Then I started coming across articles in magazines and newspapers about depression. This was before the Internet was in every household. I was confused and lost back then and never could explain why.

The reactions from Survivng R.Kelly proves why Victims are Afraid to Come Forward

The reactions all over social media about Surviving R. Kelly shows why victims walk around in shame and never come forward. All over twitter/FB/YouTube, I've seen people accusing the victims of being fast ass girls, liars, hungry for fame, or blaming the parents. I can agree that the parents should have been more responsible with their children, the abused women are still victims. While watching Surviving R. Kelly I listened to testimonies that were more than just statutorily rape. I listened to stories of  mental abuse, domestic violence, and alienation. These victims all appeared to be weak and vulnerable while being involved with R. Kelly who is a powerful public figure. He is a superstar. Whether these young women were star struck or just weak for love and validation. They are still victims. Those women cried. I could see the pain in their faces as they relived the horror. Some people still think the abused women got what they wanted or that the woman are just seeking revenge. This is why abused people don't speak out, because they get the blame. So many victims get ridiculed for speaking out.

People are blaming the women saying things like: They were just desperate for money or they forced themselves on R. Kelly. This man used his money and authority to mentally damage these women. He may not be able to read very well. But he knew how to use mind manipulation to break down his victims. The same way most abusers keep their victims hostage. The same way an abusive man keeps his wife in a violent home.

So many people are triggered after watching Surviving R.Kelly

Surviving R. Kelly was very sad, sickening, and painful to watch for most viewers. For some, the show was just highlighting the wrong doings of a Musical Superstar. For many, the show Surviving R. Kelly brought back painful memories of childhood trauma and neglect. Surviving R. Kelly is a trending topic that really got people speaking out, debating, and pointing fingers. Some people want to blame the parents, the music industry, while some blame the underage girls for putting themselves in the presence of a predator. I blame the abuser. I blame any adult that abuses underage children and take advantage of anyone sexually. Not only is R. Kelly being accused of being a pedophile, he is accused of being violent and mentally abusive to women. For years allegations have been whispered, but because R. Kelly has put out some chart topping music, people have let his talent outshine everything, and have giving him the benefit of the doubt.

This is very triggering for victims. This is a reminder that child abusers are currently walking free and often are never punished. Many child molesters and woman abusers are not brought up on chargers because they intimidate their victims. Many victims have to walk with the guilt, shame, and trauma after being sexually abused. R. Kelly has used his status to dominate women and break them down spiritually and mentally. This happens so much in our communities and families. Uncles, Grandfathers, stepdads and other relatives sexually abuse children in the family and they get away with it. Sometimes because the child is too afraid to speak out, or because the family doesn't want the pubic to know that they had a child molester in the home. For example, a mother may cover up sexual abuse in her household because she doesn't want Child protective services and other social services in her business. She may not want Law Enforcement investigating her household. These are just a few reasons why abusers get away with abuse on children.

These children have to walk through life with permanent mental scars and traumatic memories that will continue to resurface. Social media has been fueled with triggered people that are still recovering from child abuse, sexual abuse, and other forms of mental abuse. Some people will never recover and don't know how to deal with the mental scars. Some people have blocked out years of abuse, but were triggered while watching the 6 hour series of Surviving R. Kelly. The triggering brings back painful memories.

Homeless Single Mothers in Poverty

Many women are struggling in states and cities with no rent control. Many single mothers are left alone in poverty with limited help. I'm sure people will blame the women for getting pregnant by the wrong man, or by laying down with a dead beat. It's easy to blame women, and give men a pass for child abandonment, however the bigger picture is that many women and children are suffering. In most states the weather is cold and many have to reside in shelters to avoid being outdoors. I've been in a few groups on Facebook that are full of suffering women trying to climb out of the pits of  poverty. Some were abandoned by their husbands, ex boyfriends and family members. I know it's easy to say that these women are the cause of their own pain, but my heart goes out to these women. I know how hard it is to struggle with no help and be expected to stay mentally stable while caring for a young child. This is a very tough time of year especially with many people experiencing SAD. (Seasonal Depression) This is a time of year when children need new winter clothing and jackets. Children expect Christmas presents, even if you don't celebrate holidays. It can also be very mentally draining if you are not around family or in another state away from family. I've seen so many women in help groups need access to hotel vouchers, emergency shelters, and emergency money for Move in fees for apartment. I just wanted to get this off my chest because this has been on my heart.

Mental health Support Requires More than Prayers

I recall overhearing conversations between the elders telling each other to pray and read the bible. Women complaining about men, children, jobs, struggles, and every other concern. The advice was usually to get in the bible and say some prayers. Sometimes, specific scriptures were given out to those that were willing to take the advice. I witnessed women crying out in churches every Sunday hoping that prayers would make all the pain go away. Women suffering were told to hang on and keep praying. Women had to cry silently and usually in private because the stress of the world was weighing them down. What they really needed was support from other women, quiet time, mediation, support groups, therapy and or counseling. They needed a vacation for a few days to relax and breath, however, women were told to pray and let time go by. This was no help and it didn't improve conditions. Sitting back saying  prayers while you are overwhelmed and overburden is the recipe for a mental breakdown. Worrying, stress and depression should be taken seriously. When someone tell me to just pray when I complain about stressors of the world, I know they are only giving me advice that was given to them. Sometimes it comes off as a bit sarcastic, but the truth is, many women that are suffering with depression think it's taboo to seek mental health counseling or get advice from a professional. From generation to generation, black women have been told to turn all of their problems to God and pray. We have suffered with a false hope that a prayer will make all of the pain disappear, or prayer will give us the strength to endure more pain. We have been taught accept pain and depression. We have been told that pain and suffering leads to strength or that our pain is just a part of our future testimonies.

The truth is, we shouldn't have to suffer when there is help available. There is professional help, medication, and therapy. How long will we carry mental scars? How long will we carry overweight baggage of pain that will weigh us down, paralyze us, and kill dreams.

The Overworked Depressed Black Woman

Depression has been a another taboo subject within the black community for as long as I can remember. Especially for women. We all knew of a grandmother in the neighborhood that had a house full of children and grandchildren, overworked and unappreciated. Or the mother that has to work, take care of children, then come home and cook and cater to an ungrateful husband. Let's not forget about the single mother that is overwhelmed, exhausted but has to present her kids with the image of being supermom. Oh, let's not forget the woman struggling through college, working, and paying bills at home and being a care giver to younger siblings or a parent.

Many of our sisters are overwhelmed and depressed. Tired and deflated with stress and constant worry. Worrying about bills, work, children, health, the future, and lost dreams. We walk around with a smile and kind words when we are greeted, but we are carrying bulks of steel in our soul. Tears remain on the inside, while we wear a smile so that we don't have to constantly tell the world what is wrong. So many of us are dying on the inside, carrying enough dead weight to smothering our spirits.


I've witnessed so many sisters suffer and struggle with Depression as well as other mental Health problems. I'm sure we all know of someone that battled post partum depression. Or maybe you or someone that you know wake up everyday wishing they would have stayed asleep. Many women, especially mothers in the Black Communities are battling depression everyday but smiling to hide all the pain and hurt. We as women work hard, take care of children, and attend to the needs of people around us. Being a working mother, are job is never done. It is rare for a working mother to take a break without feeling guilty or hearing the complaints of others. Women are usually working so hard continually without taking care of themselves. We usually have to put our health issues to the side in order to keep our family running. We can't complain too much, because complaining doesn't make matters any better.

Growing up, I was always taught that prayer was the answer to everything
Bills overdue? You better pray!
Running low on food? You need to get down and pray?
You feel pain in your back? Well, start praying!
Problems in the family? Girl, you know what to do, Pray all them problems away.