For parents dealing with bullying at school

Bullying is something that many children will have to deal with, whether in elementary school or during their later years. Parents must get active as soon as their children come home complaining about bullying. We as parents cannot just expect the problem to go away or expect the school to resolve issues.

Many bullies are going through things at home and use bullying to get attention and to get out their own anger and rage. Some bullies live in a household full of violence and they believe the best way to handle a problem is to fight physically. Some bullies do not physically fight, but they use intimidation methods such as threatening others and taunting. They will even encourage other children to help them intimidate a child.
Some do it because of jealousy. For example, I've heard of children getting bullied because they were straight A students and other children were envious of their success and the praise they got. Some children will bully others because they are having trouble keeping up with school work. Their way to mask their academic problems is to bully and lash out at other children.

Parents should immediately make the teachers and administrators aware that there is bullying going on in the school. Do not let the problems escalate without talking to staff members and have them document the information. Talk to the staff and let them know what your are concerned about. Come to the school and visit the classrooms and get acquainted with the other children. Arrange a parent conference and get the other parents involved. Child will continue to bully if they think they can get away with it. Do not sweep the problem under the rug. Call the school district speak with supervisors, other administrators or the superintendent. Get restraining orders if the child is causing problems outside of the school. Advocate for your child/children. Do not allow your child to be bullied while getting their education. Bullying has a negative effect on a child's mental health.

Domestic Violence Awareness and why women feel Obligated To Stay

When we think of Domestic violence we tend to think of movies like Enough starring Jennifer Lopez, or Sleeping with the Enemy. In movies like this, the victim fights back and escape as the hero. In real life, stories of domestic violence don't usually end like the movies. Unfortunately, victims of domestic violence have to escape with their children and hide out in a battered women's shelter. Some victims stay with the abuser out of fear.

People often believe that women want to stay with their abuser because they are deep in love. Even if the victim is in love with her abuser, it is still not a reason to blame the victim. This is a form of Stockholm syndrome, in which the victim sympathize with their abuser and never reach out for help. The victim also sees the abuser as a victim and will make up excuses for him. Maybe he was abused as a child and the victim sympathize with him.

Victims stay for many reasons. In many cases the victim don't have a support system or family to rely on. Financial dependency is one of the reasons that victims are afraid to venture out of the relationship. Many victims of domestic violence have a family history of abuse and neglect. They may have seen their mom, aunts, or older neighbors get mentally and physically abused. In these cases, the victim feels as if mental and physical abuse is normal. They may view  physical abuse as a life circumstance that cannot be avoided.

It is common for abusers to isolate the victim from their family and friends in order to mentally control them. Without family support, the victim will feel more challenged to leave the abuser.
Usually feeling isolated and believing that the abuser is the only person she can depend on. Telling a  victim that nobody love them, or nobody cares about them is a mental game that abusers use to mentally control their victim. The abuser will break down the victim's self esteem and make them feel as if they deserve the abuse. The abuser may have convinced people around him that he is a decent person, and the victim is the combative one in the relationship. A classic case of a narcissist.

Women are not enjoying their time with the abuser as some people have assume. Victims live in isolation and fear. Victims tend to stay because of  lack of self love, lack of resources, dependency,  no family support and fear of being harmed for trying to escape. Never assume that a victim wanna be with their abuser. If you know someone that is being abused, be supportive and help them find a way out.

Men should be more Cautious after Cardi B admits to drugging and robbing Men

After watching the video of Cardi B admit that she has drugged and robbed men, I really hope men take this as a cautionary tale. Men should stop being so eager to bring women to their hotels or get a woman in their car. I can't count how many times I've had men try to come to my house within a few hours of meeting them. This is very dangerous because some men are thinking with their penis and don't think about the consequences of meeting up with a stranger. Men should also consider that just because you are going to meet up with a woman, doesn't mean that a woman is not incapable of having ulterior motives. Some women are vicious and have an agenda. A man may have sex on his mind while the woman is setting him up to be robbed or drugged so that she can take his wallet, car keys, money ect. This is not good, because so many men assume that women are weak and vulnerable. You just never know. That sexy chick in the short skirt just may have a plan to rob you. The lesson is that men can be robbed and raped as well. Too many men assume they are exempt from being robbed or sexually harmed by a woman. Men, stop taking pressing women to go home with you, YOU JUST MIGHT GET ROBBED!

The reactions from Survivng R.Kelly proves why Victims are Afraid to Come Forward

The reactions all over social media about Surviving R. Kelly shows why victims walk around in shame and never come forward. All over twitter/FB/YouTube, I've seen people accusing the victims of being fast ass girls, liars, hungry for fame, or blaming the parents. I can agree that the parents should have been more responsible with their children, the abused women are still victims. While watching Surviving R. Kelly I listened to testimonies that were more than just statutorily rape. I listened to stories of  mental abuse, domestic violence, and alienation. These victims all appeared to be weak and vulnerable while being involved with R. Kelly who is a powerful public figure. He is a superstar. Whether these young women were star struck or just weak for love and validation. They are still victims. Those women cried. I could see the pain in their faces as they relived the horror. Some people still think the abused women got what they wanted or that the woman are just seeking revenge. This is why abused people don't speak out, because they get the blame. So many victims get ridiculed for speaking out.

People are blaming the women saying things like: They were just desperate for money or they forced themselves on R. Kelly. This man used his money and authority to mentally damage these women. He may not be able to read very well. But he knew how to use mind manipulation to break down his victims. The same way most abusers keep their victims hostage. The same way an abusive man keeps his wife in a violent home.

So many people are triggered after watching Surviving R.Kelly

Surviving R. Kelly was very sad, sickening, and painful to watch for most viewers. For some, the show was just highlighting the wrong doings of a Musical Superstar. For many, the show Surviving R. Kelly brought back painful memories of childhood trauma and neglect. Surviving R. Kelly is a trending topic that really got people speaking out, debating, and pointing fingers. Some people want to blame the parents, the music industry, while some blame the underage girls for putting themselves in the presence of a predator. I blame the abuser. I blame any adult that abuses underage children and take advantage of anyone sexually. Not only is R. Kelly being accused of being a pedophile, he is accused of being violent and mentally abusive to women. For years allegations have been whispered, but because R. Kelly has put out some chart topping music, people have let his talent outshine everything, and have giving him the benefit of the doubt.

This is very triggering for victims. This is a reminder that child abusers are currently walking free and often are never punished. Many child molesters and woman abusers are not brought up on chargers because they intimidate their victims. Many victims have to walk with the guilt, shame, and trauma after being sexually abused. R. Kelly has used his status to dominate women and break them down spiritually and mentally. This happens so much in our communities and families. Uncles, Grandfathers, stepdads and other relatives sexually abuse children in the family and they get away with it. Sometimes because the child is too afraid to speak out, or because the family doesn't want the pubic to know that they had a child molester in the home. For example, a mother may cover up sexual abuse in her household because she doesn't want Child protective services and other social services in her business. She may not want Law Enforcement investigating her household. These are just a few reasons why abusers get away with abuse on children.

These children have to walk through life with permanent mental scars and traumatic memories that will continue to resurface. Social media has been fueled with triggered people that are still recovering from child abuse, sexual abuse, and other forms of mental abuse. Some people will never recover and don't know how to deal with the mental scars. Some people have blocked out years of abuse, but were triggered while watching the 6 hour series of Surviving R. Kelly. The triggering brings back painful memories.

Why is Statatorial Rape still being accepted (Part 2)

Teen mothers usually become single mothers. The single mothers that everybody like to shame were actually victims of statutory rape. These young single mothers were victims to grown men. It's easy to call these young teen moms whores, THOTs, sluts, fast or whatever. The truth is, a lot of young underage girls fall prey to grown men. Most teenage mothers don't get pregnant by boys their own age, they usually get pregnant by grown men. This happens so frequently that the girls are usually blamed and people assume that the teen girl seduced the grown man. Too many grown men have gotten away with a crime, leaving a teen a lifetime of responsibility. Men don't like to address this. It's always been convenient to just call the girls fast or blame them for not being watched by their parents.

Child Abuse Prevention and why are so Many Abusers Walking Free

This weekend I watched an episode of Iyanla Fix my Life. It was an episode that revealed a young woman that was molested by her Grandfather. The victim told her mother about the abuse, but it was covered up. The abused victim was told as a child, to never reveal what the grandfather had done. The grandfather was able to abuse the young woman and never serve jail time. This is sickening and disturbing. What is more disturbing, is that this story happens very often. Some victims never tell because they live in a paralyzing fear. They fear the victim. If the victim is a child, they will continue to take the abuse because they don't want to challenge an adult.

A child being abused is usually threatened. The abuser will usually tell the child that they will kill the family if the secret is exposed. Children sometimes don't know that the abuse is wrong, because the abuser will convince the child, that the sexual acts or okay. Or the abuser will bribe the child with gifts or money in order to keep the secret and have access to the innocent child.

So many family members have covered up the abuse. Sometimes a mother will not believe the stepfather because the stepfather is the breadwinner and she is afraid to be without the Stepfather. Although the stepfather is abusing the child, the mother may shut it out of her reality. The mother will block out reality and convince her child that the abuse didn't happen. Or the child is sexually abused by an uncle or an older brother and the mom doesn't want the abuser to spend time in prison. As a result, the child is left with permanent scars and years of rumination on the incident The child is left with many years of mental suffering, and may never get the tools that he/she needs to cope. This is traumatizing and the emotional scaring may never be repaired. So many victims not only live in fear for themselves, but they grow and live in fear of the same thing happening to their children. If more families would protect children and stop living by this code of protecting abusers, these abusers would stop harming children. I wish I could see more child abusers on the news getting a life sentence in prison or the death penalty to send out the message, that your life will be ruined if your sexually abuse a child.

Pain and Abuse, Let's talk about Domestic Violence (Part 1)

Victims of Domestic Violence in the Black community have been thrown under the  carpet for years. Women are being beaten down physically, mentally, and verbally without any help from the black family. The misconception that women can leave a violent relationship at any time is a myth. Some women are afraid to leave and some have been murdered for trying to get away for their abusers. Many women have nowhere to go and have been isolated from friends and family. Onlookers must take into consideration that many abusers keep their victims submissive and usually without resources or a means to get out. Some abused women have been abused for so long that they have become immune to abuse.

When young women children witness abuse in the home, they grow to feel like it's natural even though what they witnessed was painful. That is why so many women  get comfortable as a victim, because the abuse is close to home like putting on a pair of slippers. Even if they are slapped and hit everyday, they feel the physical pain, but they expect it. It's sad that women get into relationships and they already expect to be abused. They expect to be verbally and mentally abused. Some are so emotionally numb to this type of pain that they don't run with they see signs. Throughout my life I have witnessed so many other women in our black communities being abused by men. This behavior becomes expected to many victims of violence. It is easy to tell a woman to leave. Both just like the abuser, the victim is mentally weak and sometimes don't think leaving is an option.