Growing up, I recall being happy and carefree. Even though I went through hardships, I still remember being happy and full of life. Like most children, I had dreams and goals that thought about. how life would be as an adult. I wanted to travel, go away to college, party, then settle down with a wealthy husband that would worship the ground I walked upon. That all sounded good, and looking back probably unrealistic. Regardless I was happy and enjoyed life up until my late teens when I became a mother. Yep, I suffered from bouts of postpartum depression but never was diagnosed. Back then, postpartum depression was still a taboo subject that everyone was told to just pray about. Things got worse over time as I began working, being a single mother, then an abusive relationship. I feel deep into depression. A deep dark depression. Some days I felt like I was buried alive. Physically living, but my soul was dead. I was just shifting through life with no purpose, no meaning. Working day to day just to pay bills, then waking up every morning feeling defeated. I would wake up tired and had to drag myself out of bed daily.
I would sit and think "How did it get like this" I use to be happy. I use to love life and have friends. I use to look forward to hanging out, laughing and being social. I couldn't find myself. I couldn't find that happy person. I was somebody different. I was depressed but couldn't figure out why.
Growing up as a child, no one looks forward to suffering from depression. Who prepares for depression or other mental health issues? I never heard of a class growing up that prepares children for depression. Depression was never really spoken about it. It was something that just comes from out of nowhere like a fucking wrecking ball. What happened to the good ol' days. What happened to laughing and telling jokes with friends? What happened to listening to loud music, feeling happy and looking forward to a prosperous future. I'm still fighting for the dream I had as a child. My dream was to simply be happy.
I love this ! Opening up about such a vulnerable and sensitive topic can be hard, especially with such a large audience. and you’re absolutely right! No one prepares you for mental health issues as a child, because no one wants to talk about them. It’s a sad reality
ReplyDeleteThat's why I wrote about this topic. Thank you for your response. Our families and communities need to understand the symptoms of mental health. We all need to understand so we don't have to hide behind addictions and self medicating. As children we think our transition into adulthood will be a smooth ride. We are never prepared.
ReplyDeleteso weird doesn't look like my comment came thru earlier when i was on my iPad. like i said earlier - bravo on being so brave to share your story. i have struggled with PTSD in my 20s/30s so can relate to some degree.
ReplyDeletestay strong!
Joy at The Joyous Living