Large plus size women should never lower their standards to get a date or long term spouse

                         

I would advise any plus size woman not to lower her standards to attract a spouse or get a date. Men are speaking out negatively against plus size women and telling plus size women to stop being picky and get whatever man they can get or they will end up lonely without a companion. Women are being shamed into dating a man not on her financial or education level.  If she does not want to date a low wage worker or a man with a criminal record, that is her choice and she should not be shamed because of her weight. It is not easy to land a spouse at any size, so why are plus size women being told to lower stands and accept any man regardless of them not being compatible. 

The people that are encouraging overweight women to settle for a man with no resources are usually people that suffer from fat phobia and think large women are beneath them. These are the type of people that think larger people (especially women) are less than human and should be treated as an underclass. I recently read a post on a social media site where a woman stated that fat women are likely to be mistreated by men because fat women suffer from low self esteem and accept any type of treatment. This comment was made due to fat phobia and people believing that large women hate themselves and accept any type of treatment. These types of people believe they are better than large women and that large women should be mistreated. This poster never said that men are wrong for mistreating large women, but her post was basically saying that men are entitled to treat women poorly based on size. This is why I often tell plus size women to be very selective and cautious about who they date because some men actually believe overweight women are beneath them and should be treated like a second class citizen. They believe in using larger women for sex and other perks while not being seen with her in public due to their fat phobia.

Women with low self esteem are not limited to overweight women. Self esteem is not only about your outside looks or weight. Self esteem is developed by how you view yourself as a whole. A woman can build her self esteem by accomplishing goals, having a supportive family, having an education, owning a business, taking care of her mental health ect. I can go on and on about self esteem, but I must say that self esteem is not all about what a person looks like. I believe people that suffer from fat phobia have a weird obsession with overweight women and want overweight people to have low self esteem so it will fit their narrative that overweight people are beneath them.

Thin women, can have low self esteem, but that does not mean they should be treated less than. Women that look like fashion models, instagram models, or regular average women can have low self esteem. My point is no human should be treated in a demeaning manner based on their looks, disabilities, or social class. I have seen too many disrespectful posts about plus size women coming from men and women. Referring to large women as Big Shirley, linebackers, and other degrading names have allowed people that suffer from fat phobia to bond together and use large women as a verbal punching bag. Why? I'll tell you why. These people are similar to children in elementary school that performed low and made terrible grades, so they tried to make a mockery of the children that were excelling in classes by calling them nerds or teachers pet. They feel good when they are degrading someone because they see larger people as less than them and easy targets. Many have been taught it is okay to laugh and mock plus size people. These are people that are lacking in areas of their life, but instead of fixing their own problems and insecurities they use their fat phobic jokes and name calling as a coping method. 

I have seen posts of thin people speaking on how large women should feel about themselves or how they view themselves. How can a person that does not live in a large body tell large people how they are supposed to feel about themselves? Large women that feel bad about their appearance, usually feel that way because of discrimination, being mocked by fat phobic people and images put in the media to ridicule plus size people.

Encouraging women to date men out of desperation is dangerous because that is a set up for failure as well as mental abuse. If a man does not want to date a woman because of her size, that is fine, however the mocking, bodyhaming, using large women as a verbal punching bag is never ok.

Social Media influencers with cult like followers claiming to be femininity coaches and passport brothers

 As social media becomes more popular and addictive, more people online gravitate to social media influencers for dating advice, decorating tips, celebrity gossip, and marriage problems. Many influencers grow an audience that behaves like a small cult after hearing the influencers opinions on trending subjects. People began to follow these influencers and hang on to their every word of advice and rely on them to make decisions for them. Even if we enjoy influencers topics and their input on subjects, we must use logic, and take every word with a grain of salt we hear online. 

For instance, we have groups like the passport brothers that encourage their followers to avoid  women in America  (especially black women) and seek submissive women in 3rd world countries overseas. Many of these men are hurt, scorned, and bitter after dating women that would not submit to their needs or wouldn't put their goals and dreams on hold to cater their fragile egos. Many of these men have narcissistic personality traits and are willing to travel out of the country to meet women that will treat them like a delicacy and obey them as if they are royalty. These men believe that going overseas to date or marry women is more convenient because women here in the States have higher standards, are too educated and too independent. So they encourage men to travel for dating and sexual escapades because women here in the states are not desperate enough. These men want women to compete for them by telling us we will end up lonely and die alone. This is a scare tactic that these influencers are using on women to get them to "behave" in a way that makes men feel honored and needed

We also have femininity coaches and woman dating coaches that gain a following then start giving out advice based on what they think their followers want to hear and what is going to keep getting them likes and views for monetary gain. These are women telling other women they should be submissive to men, cater to men, and feminize themselves and soften their behavior to impress men. This thinking is backwards and harmful to women. It is harmful because women are being told to change who they are to land a man. Why should a successful woman with a great career have to downplay her education and qualities to land a man. Why should a woman downplay being a homeowner or a frequent traveler because it will make her look too independent for a man.  As women, we should not be told how to submit in ways that make us lessen our own values and beliefs. We should know how to respect, love, and support our spouses without having to play a submissive role when we were not raised to be submissive. As grown women, we should not have to mute ourselves or change our character to make a man feel comfortable while suppressing our thoughts and ideas. This is what these particular influencers are pushing.

These type of influencers are usually not educated coaches and counselors. I do not hear them speaking of having psychology degrees or an education in family/marriage counseling from an accredited school. Many of these women are not married, never have been married but believe they have the secret recipe on how to get a man and keep him happy. These are usually women seeking attention by discipling other women in the presence of men to gain lies. They help men build their self esteem while taunting women are criticising them by saying we are not worthy unless we submit and live as women did in the early 1900s. 

I have no advice on how to get or keep a man. I do not believe there is some quick packaging that can be sold to land a man. Even with advice, every man is different and we all connect with people for different unique reasons. We cannot keep allowing influencers to plant seeds in our heads that make us question our beliefs or true values that we should stand on.

Men using body shaming tactics to demean plus size women after rejection

 Recently, while browsing social media, I read a post from a random guy that made a mockery of a  woman's weight. The random  man made a post about large women being too picky in mates when their options are so limited. He body shammed the woman because she wasn't interested in him after a few dates. She declined him intimacy. He ridiculed the woman because of her weight, but actually he was ridiculing her because she didn't entertain his sexual advances. He was making fun of her, not only because she was an overweight woman, but because he felt like she was obligated to entertain his sexual advances. 

Any woman or man regardless of size or body type should not feel obligated to sleep with anyone or entertain anyone because they are obese. I have witnessed several men make disgusting comments about overweight women because the woman didn't give them her number or entertain any type of intimate advances. Usually when a man is rejected,  his ego is deflated and he is embarrassed. The next thing to do is salvage his ego by retaliating on the woman by demeaning her for whatever he sees as a flaw. For overweight women, the flaw they see is weight, but this is after they've been rejected. While the guy is flirting and trying to court the woman, he may say things such as "You are so beautiful" or "I love plus size women" "I only date large women" or my favorite line "All of my exes were big". These are usually gift of gab pick up lines to make the woman feel that he genuinely admires large women.

This is actually pretty common with men everyday and on social media. If they cannot get any attention in the direct messages, these men will resort to name calling and body shamming. This is usually what a man with low self esteem and narcissistic personality traits has to do when he feels rejected. He has to immediately retaliate with childish name calling like a bratty toddler that can have the last cookie. That same man could have just been giving out compliments prior, but as soon as he feels rejected, he goes into retaliation mode. These same men will accuse large women of having insecurity issues simply because they are declining any advances. Large women and men have feelings like anyone of any other size and should be treated with dignity. A large woman does not have to sleep with a random man regardless of how nice he plays, how much money he has, or how good he believes he look. All women have the right to decline any man, no matter what she looks like, her income status, or her education level. A person is allowed to pick who they see fit as a spouse to be their mate. Even if they have to wait years, they are adults and can choose whatever kind of mate they want. Even if their standards seem unrealistic, they still have every right to have standards. This includes large people. Large women are not the welcome wagon for any lonely/horny man that thinks a fat woman is easy access for sex. No woman should be viewed as such. I really hope large, plus size, overweight, obese, chubby, chunky, plumper women (however you choose to describe your beautiful plus size body) should not feel obligated to entertain any man because she is overweight.

Why Serial Daters and Players get played by smart experienced women

 Many men are constantly on the hunt for new women to conquer as prey. Usually for sex, to use as a trophy piece or to impress friend/colleagues. Many would consider these men players, womanizers, or serial daters. These types of men see women as objects to be used and disposed. They see women as objects and not humans with emotions, feelings. and personal needs. They see women as objects to be used for sex, to fulfill a mental void,  or for momentarily ego stroking. 

With men being so open online all over social media about how they view women, women have gotten the memo. We have gotten the memo and have learned how to play the same dating games that men play. Not because we are in a competition with men, but because we refuse to be on the short end of the stick when it comes to dating. We are no longer falling for the "I'm going through a messy divorce" or "I'd rather just come hang out at your house" or "I'm just looking to meet new people, but nothin serious". Smart women do not fall victim to love bombing, gas lighting, and narcissistic men that are only out for ego stroking and doses of romance to get them through their loneliness.  Yes, smart women have made mistakes in dating and even got their hopes up to high with the wrong men, however smart women have learned how to watch for red flags. These red flags can be anger issues, narcissist personality traits, and men that look to demean women and use us as sex objects. Smart women know how to enjoy the first few dates, have fun, live in the moment, then move on. Women are no longer being tricked and manipulated into situationships that have no meaning. These situationships are usually a man treating a woman to a few dates, sending "good morning beautiful texts", then pressuring her for casual sex but no real friendship, commitment or plans for a future. These types of serial daters feel as if women are obligated to sleep with them because they have shown a small amount of interest. Men will lie while trying to use the gift of gab to corner a woman into his bedroom. They usually use love bombing, money, or intimidation to lure women into their web. By intimidation, they may tell a woman she must have low self esteem if she is not interested in sex. Or they will tell a woman that men have more opportunities in the dating world to make a woman feel like she has no other alternatives to find a mate. 

Smart women with experience know how to maneuver through love bombing serial daters. Smart women only date for causal intimacy, dinners, company, and social engagement. Smart women know how to get more out of the situationship without getting used or hurt. Women have learned from past experiences and now navigate through the messy dating world much differently in their mid life than they did in their 20's and 30's.  Unless a woman is looking to marry soon, she should be more focused on her career, education, having fun, bonding with close friends, traveling, and exploring new hobbies. If a guy is only out for self pleasure while dated, he should be ghosted immediately. Losing sleep and having emotional setbacks because some womanizing serial dater wants to find a new toy is so outdated.

Intimate Friends or Friends with benefits is a waste of time for women

We all have heard the saying "Friends with Benefits" or "Intimate Friends". These terms describe relationships where there is no commitment or responsibilities for either parties involved.  These situations usually start out as casual fun and sex between two people in lust. Eventually feelings develop or anticipation of a fulltime relationship may seem like a goal. These type of relationships should not last for long and should be treated as temporary flings. Some women find themselves thinking the guy is their actual friend they can call when they have emergencies or when they find themselves in trouble. The truth is, most women will find out that "Friends with Benefits" is only a cute term for two people that are sleeping together without the responsibilities of being in a real relationship. Men take advantage of these type of situations by leading a woman to think she will be his  girlfriend or if she keeps giving up her body he will eventually develop feelings and commit. This is all a game and the guy is usually sleeping with multiple women while lying and manipulating them all. Or he has a fulltime girlfriend/wife he is cheating on, so he would rather keep things casual.  He cannot commit and he is really in love with himself. He is in love with having his needs met by more than one woman.

If you cannot call a man for food, money, a ride, or just to vent, he is not your friend. If you cannot hang out with him without sex being involved, then he is not a friend. If he treat you like a burden after sex, he is not a friend. "Friends with Benefits" or "Intimate Friends" is just a cute terms that means two people have sex with no commitment. 

More women are relying on sex toys to get them through the nation's crisis

For women being home alone, or with children there are not many outlets for stress, boredom or depression. Not knowing what is in store for the economy can cause many to panic. For many women they are turning to sex toys to take the place of loneliness. Not being able to go on dates, attend events with friends or go out for retail therapy can take it's toll on most women. Many are ordering sex toys from vibrators, dildos, to anal beads to achieve orgasms. This is a great stress reliever and can be done at anytime during the day. Being home without the company of a spouse, friends, or family members can make life more stressful. Women are taking this time to have relax and have orgasms. The release of an orgasm can put the body at ease and make it easier to relax and relieve tension.
Having a partner is not an option for some. Finding someone online can be harmful with the coronavirus being spread rapidly. Also, a partner can be more stressful during this time because some single men are only looking for housing and food until the crisis is over.

Take your mind off the CoronaVirus to preserve Your Mental Health

People are stressed and exhausted while driving all over trying to find food, cleaning supplies, and tissue. People with children are worried about feeding their little ones and keeping them occupied while they are out of school. We must also think about our mental health and how to stay calm during this crisis. I know families are anxious, depressed, scared, overwhelmed with fear of what is happening and what it means for our future. The thought of our country going into another recession has people up all night ruminating.

No need to panic, but we should be safe, cautious, and make sure we stay in doors as much as we can. We must continuously wash our hands and cover our coughs while outdoors. Even inside, make sure to limit visitors and use bleach and lysol to clean. If you do not have either, use hot water and a soap mixture to clean door handles, light switches, remotes, laptops and countertops.
We should be concerned especially those of us that have children and the elderly that have weakened immune systems. Our stores are being cleaned out because people are in panic mode and assuming stores we all have to survive without new merchandise for the next weeks or months. We must have faith and be optimistic about the turnout of this crisis. Try not to worry to the point you are constantly in fear of getting sick.

Ways to relax and take your mind off the CoronaVirus while indoors

Turn off the TV and Social Media. Turn the news off. It will worry you and over exaggerate things

Do some cleaning around the house. Rearrange the kitchen cabinets, book cases, or bathrooms

Read those books and magazine you've have sitting around.

Call friends and have a real conversation. Talk about highschool, fun times, romance, or future plans.

Watch a funny movie or a comedy show.

Watch cartoons with the kids. Have fun to take their mind off the chaos.

Draw or color some pictures.

Do a crossword puzzle.

Meditate. Do some deep breathing exercises to relax.

Do a fitness routine. Find some on youtube.

Turn up some music and dance. Burn some calories.

Take a long warm bubble bath with candles. Use a good smelly shower gel or bath bombs.

Write a handwritten note to someone, even if they never read it.