Sunday, October 13, 2019

Childless women need to stop invading Discussions for mothers

Too many parenting discussions have been invaded by childless women making derogatory comments and meddling in our safe space. Mothers should have a safe space to talk about problems and issues as well as give and get advice from other mothers. 

Facebook, blogs, and twitter have had many discussions about the issues that surround parenting. Everything is discussed from child support, child care, postpartum depression, to co-parenting with an ex. In many groups, we always have a handful of childless women chime in to brag about how they were super responsible with birth control, or how they refuse to have children until they are in the perfect situation. Child less women will come bragging about how they are able to travel, get 5 degrees, and how they have so much free time to relax because they don't have children.
I have no problems or hate towards women that choose not to have children. I actually commend them for waiting and doing what's best for themselves. My issue is childless women that love to come into groups for mothers, or getting into discussions and ridicule and shame mothers. Or brag about how they got an abortion because they are so much more responsible.

Recently, there was a mother on a popular blog sharing her story of how she had regrets about becoming a mother. She was open and honest about how she felt. She was obviously tired and overwhelmed. Many mothers have had regrets about becoming a mother, for whatever reasons. We as mothers should be able to share our feelings and express ourselves without having childless women bust in our safe space and ridicule us or boast about how they are doing so much better.
There have also been childless women making jokes about single mothers and expressing how they hate children. Yes, HATE!  If you are not a mother and don't plan on having children, why come into a discussion for mothers and make the discussion about YOU? Mothers, should be able to vent and share information with other mothers. We all have issues, regrets, and problems with parenting, even if we are married and have a strong support system. Most mothers go through trials that make us wonder if we should have become a mother. Mothers usually get over this as their children get older and they find peace as a mother. This is natural and we should be able to express ourselves in peace, without childless women coming to police us or point fingers at us. We go through enough that childless women would never imagine or understand.

If you chose to not have children or abort, or put your child up for adoption, feel free to do so.I applaud women for not having children. It's your right, it's your choice. No shame from me, but also respect mothers and allow them to vent. It reminds me of light skin women that invade safe spaces for darker women. Or slim women that cry out for attention when large women are venting.
If you want to brag about being a childless woman, go brag and boast with other childless women. Do not come into a parent group or a discussion for mothers. Many childless women are not even bragging, they are venting and meddling. It's almost like a hobby for childless women to pop into a discussion for mothers to whine about something or brag about how their birth control never failed them. We respect your decision to not become a parent, so please respect our safe space and allow us to have discussions in peace.

Friday, October 4, 2019

Plus Size Discrimination and Body Shamming (Part 1)

Plus size Discrimination and body shamming is not something that only happens on social media or with celebrities. Many people do not understand or care to point out body shamming if it is not happening to them. Although skinny/slim people have had complaints about being teased in elementary school for being skinny or being called Slim Jim; I am not talking about those issues. Im upset about large women not getting hired because the company fears that a large woman will intimidate clients or bring down the company image. I am upset with public places not accommodating larger people. Im upset when large people, including children are cyber bullied online and in school.

When a large person is sick or have any issues with their health, the problem is usually blamed on their weight. I've been to the doctor for flu symptoms or a pap smear and and more attention was put on my weight. I've know large women that went to the doctor for back pain from a car accident, or a slip and fall and the doctor grilled them about their weight, but didn't really show compassion to the original reason they were there.

I have seen women post a beautiful picture to show off a new dress or a new hair style, and people will make derogatory comments about the woman's weight. They would pretend they were concerned with her health, as if slim people don't have any health concerns. That is another pet-peeve of mine, people pretending to be so appalled when a larger person post pictures and they try to disguise their fat phobia by saying they are concerned with the person's health.
I would rather a person just say "Im not use to seeing a big woman get that much positive attention and it bothers me" or "She's very big, I wish I was as confident as she is". I get tired of the fake outrage. The fake outrage is other people being so upset and pretending to be so offended when a beautiful large woman post a sexy picture. Or a larger woman posting a beautiful dress or showing herself out having fun. Oh, let's not forget when a large woman post herself with a spouse, and people question why the man is with the large woman. I could go on and on.

Monday, September 30, 2019

Single Mothers Bitter.....Or Just Fed Up with Disappointment

Single mothers are expected to endure everything while working, raising children, and holding down the house. People don't seem to care because they view single mothers as irresponsible or stupid for not picking the perfect man. Nobody goes out and chose a deadbeat on purpose. Nobody goes out and deliberately chose a man that is unworthy unless they are suffering from mental health problems. "You picked the wrong man, you had children too young, you put yourself in this situation", is a constant reminder from people that think they are in positions to discipline single mothers.

Many times, the mother never had positive examples of what a father is suppose to be. In many urban communities, the father is absent or he is in the home abusing the mother mentally and physically. Another example is a working father that comes homes and isolates himself from his family. Maybe he's too tired to engage and would rather watch sports and hide in a man cave. It's hard to understand what a man is suppose to do and how a real man is suppose to act if you haven't seen many positive examples in your childhood.

I take full responsible and hold myself accountable, but this should not be an excuse for a man to not be responsible.
We have to endure a lot of public backlash and humiliation. This is what most people do, instead of holding both parents responsibility. Like the old chant when I was a kid "boys do the dirty work, girls take the blame"

When you label a mother as bitter, especially a single mother, you must ask yourself..... Is she really bitter, or just serious and not playing games with her her life and the life of her offspring? Is she really bitter or has she learned from prior mishaps and mistakes. Is she really bitter, or is she more focused. Is she bitter, or is she holding men accountable for not being responsible men.

Friday, September 27, 2019

Too Depressed To Date

Sometimes depression rules over our life, which include are social life and love life. When living with depression, we may not feel good about our self or have the energy to meet and mingle with new people. Even when we are approached with potential dating mates, we tend to push them to the back of the line. Usually because we look at dating or hanging out with new people as a chore. We have to plan dates, get dressed, groom ourselves and travel to destinations just to meet up. That is too much work and effort for a depressed person. A fun night for a depressed person is reading, listening to music or binge watching NetFlix all night.

Dating takes us our of our comfort zone. When depressed, we usually want to stay home and be isolated. We don't want to text back and forth or get dressed up for a night at the movies. In addition, we already see failure in a person. We already anticipate the relationship not working in our favor. Depression will make you self sabotage or judge a situation before it even gets started. Depression will make us doubt the person we are dating and questions their intentions. So instead of dating and taking a chance, depression will tell you to get rid of the person and ignore every text or call. This is ourway of preserving our time, heart and feelings. Instead of hanging out and enjoying a fling or finding a new spouse, our depression will sometimes not allow us to get pass the dating phase. Hard to find true love when your depression eats up all of your energy.

Saturday, September 14, 2019

For parents dealing with bullying at school

Bullying is something that many children will have to deal with, whether in elementary school or during their later years. Parents must get active as soon as their children come home complaining about bullying. We as parents cannot just expect the problem to go away or expect the school to resolve issues.

Many bullies are going through things at home and use bullying to get attention and to get out their own anger and rage. Some bullies live in a household full of violence and they believe the best way to handle a problem is to fight physically. Some bullies do not physically fight, but they use intimidation methods such as threatening others and taunting. They will even encourage other children to help them intimidate a child.
Some do it because of jealousy. For example, I've heard of children getting bullied because they were straight A students and other children were envious of their success and the praise they got. Some children will bully others because they are having trouble keeping up with school work. Their way to mask their academic problems is to bully and lash out at other children.

Parents should immediately make the teachers and administrators aware that there is bullying going on in the school. Do not let the problems escalate without talking to staff members and have them document the information. Talk to the staff and let them know what your are concerned about. Come to the school and visit the classrooms and get acquainted with the other children. Arrange a parent conference and get the other parents involved. Child will continue to bully if they think they can get away with it. Do not sweep the problem under the rug. Call the school district speak with supervisors, other administrators or the superintendent. Get restraining orders if the child is causing problems outside of the school. Advocate for your child/children. Do not allow your child to be bullied while getting their education. Bullying has a negative effect on a child's mental health.

Friday, July 12, 2019

Why do women feel obligated to forgive our abusers

I came across something on Facebook that really made me angry to the point that I had to respond several times. It was a woman that was shot five times by her brother, which left her without an eye. Her brother was facing 45 years in prison, but the victim went to court and spoke up for her brother. Yes, this woman went to jail and spoke to the judge. Her brother got a lesser sentence. The man that nearly killed her and left her permanently damaged didn't have to do the 45 years that he was initially  facing. Her reason for forgiving her brother was that he was drunk. She doesn't believe that he would have shot her if he wasn't under the influence of a substance.

What bothers me about this whole situation is that women feel obligated to forgive men so easy. Especially black woman. This is rooted in religion. Black women are taught at a young age to forgive no matter what. No matter what a man does, we are taught to forgive and endure whatever pain was inflicted on us. Far too many women were taught to endure mental and physical pain caused by men. Our brothers, spouses, and fathers.We have been told to forgive and forget no matter how bad the abuse is, and no matter how it leaves us physically and mentally damaged.

This woman is left without an eye, and people are saying that her story is inspirational because she forgave her brother. Why is forgiveness always benefiting the person that caused harm? This young woman, like most woman, are taught to excuse the bad behavior of men, especially men in our families. This is not an inspirational story, this is a tragic story.

Childless women need to stop invading Discussions for mothers

Too many parenting discussions have been invaded by childless women making derogatory comments and meddling in our safe space. Mothers s...