Stop relying on Youtube influencers and dating coachers

 Every other day I come across a YouTube dating coach or life coach that seems to have the golden secret to finding love, a mate, or simply how to maneuver in the dating world. Usually the influencer or dating coach has never been married, but they seem to know how to assist others in finding a wife or husband. Many are single parents or have been divorced and still believe they have found a niche in giving out dating advice. These dating coaches are usually serial daters that have had many short relationships with a variety of people leading them to believe they have figured out human psychology. I often wonder, if they have all the life skills to obtain a healthy relationship, why didn't their marriage last. Or why are they jumping from relationship to relationship without longevity. They are regular people like you and me, but they have the gift of gab and the desire to make money. I have no issue with them wanting to make money or get as many followers as they can, but I do hate how they give out false information and brainwash people into believing that they have a secret code to finding love. Each individual is different with different needs and desires and will attract a variety of different people. The advice they are getting from dating coaches may not apply to 80% of the people they attract. Each individual we meet while dating have different beliefs and expectations, therefore what works will some will not work with the others.

The truth is, you can watch one million videos on how to find a husband, how to date, or how to snag a millionaire. You may get some great tips and learn somethings from these influencers, however experience is your greatest teacher. You learn from studying yourself, your own past relationships, and knowing what your really want in a mate. It takes experience to build healthy happy relationships. Some people get lucky and find their lifetime mates at a young age. Some have to go out and date a variety of people to know exactly what they want in a lifetime mate. Some people are okay without a lifetime mate and have found happiness in family, friends, career, and their own hobbies.

Is the polyamorous community based in misogyny?

 

I have come across so many different podcast and reels talking about polyamory and how it is the answer to cheating and holding marriages together. Some women have agreed to indulge in the lifestyle because they are bisexual and want the best of both worlds. Polyamory is a form of ethical or consensual non-monogamy. It involves maintaining committed, intimate, and romantic relationships with more than one person at a time, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

 Some people just need variety and have a desire to love more than one person while getting their sexual needs fulfilled by multiple people. Does this benefit everyone involved? Couples have different agendas, rules, and goals for their open relationship. Some date as a V which means that everything is usually separate. Some date as a triangle and everyone involved in connect and have a relationship with each other even if the women only have a platonic relationship.

What does this really mean for women? Women are usually expected to commit and be faithful to the man in these polyamorous relationships, while men are able to explore with new partners and pick whom he want for dates, trips, and nightcaps. Should women commit and to a man that wants to exercise his options while rubbing it all in his partners face? Some view poly relationships as supervised cheating. A woman knows her man will cheat so she wants to screen the other women or take a peak into the other woman's life and give input on how he should entertain the other woman. All of this is rooted in misogyny.  Its sad that some of these men are purposely setting up these arrangements to make a woman feel inferior or like she is in competition with other women to win a man in return. 

The big question is do these women really want to participate in these relationships that allows the man to have additional women and every woman accepts their role? Is this the only way a woman will have a man in her life? Are women in these relationships allowed to have another man friend or sexual partners of the opposite sex? If not, is are these really open relationships or a cheat code for men to entertain other women in peace? These are questions that women need to answer for themselves before they join a couple or allow another person into their relationship.

After watching a podcast on YouTube with a group of women and men having a discussion, the women felt like the men were misogynistic and using the Polyamorous label to be serial daters and sleep with multiple women while disguising their behavior as being open and honest instead of lying. This is not how an open relationship should work. These relationships still come with responsibilities and all parties involved she be honest. Men have are using polyamourous relationships to bring in multiple partners and the real goal is sex.Just like a man going out the cheat is doing it as an escape outlet and the goal is usually sex. This is all rooted in misogyny where the women have to remain modest while a man can play women against each other and disguise it as being in an open relationship. If the relationship is really open, why is the woman expected to commit and not have another man. Why is the woman expected to commit and not sleep with anyone else. Usually women are allowed to sleep with other women and it is usually for the pleasure of the man. 

The cost of living contributing to stress, depression, and anxiety

    As the cost of living continues to rise, more people are working extra side jobs and going back to school to obtain skills for higher pay. Housing cost is on the rise with less people are able to afford homes and some not making enough to rent apartments. More families are moving to more affordable states leaving their old lives behind for better opportunities. For some people, they do not have a support system to just leave, they are forced to stay in their current states and continue to struggle paying high rent. States such as California and New York are very expensive and also overcrowded resulting in people competing for apartments with hundreds of other applicants. This can take it's toll on our mental health. Living paycheck to paycheck in  a country like America is unacceptable. We have enough resources, we pay taxes, and we have the best technology, yet we seem to be behind when it comes to affordable substantial housing.

    Many people are exhausted and overwhelmed which is leading to more people being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Many are relying on antidepressants to help them cope day to day with the overwhelming cost of living. People are working full-time jobs and side gigs just to survive. They are not living a lavish lifestyle, they are just trying to survive and make a way above water. The cost of living is also keeping people in broken relationships they would never not be in. Many women are staying in abusive relationships because they cannot afford the cost of an apartment. Gas prices are up. Food prices are sky high making it hard for many people to purchase healthy foods and relying on cheap processed foods.

Many young adult will not be able to afford their own housing even after attending college. Low paying jobs require a college degree or a license which means most young adults must obtain a degree or a certification for most jobs. This still does not guarantee they will be able to afford housing. The best option is to get a few room mates or live at home until they are capable of surviving. This affects their mental health and interferes with them adjusting to adult life.

More young adults have dreams of earning social media income instead of pursuing college or regular jobs

     Many teenagers have watched online influencers gain fame, money and notoriety by YouTube ad revenue, sponsorship, affiliate marketing, and selling their own products. Some have went viral on Tiktok or Facebook by posting comedy style videos, cooking tutorials, or even by giving their opinions of celebrity gossip and current events. These are fun ways to make money and even gain fame if that is what you are after, but this also discourages teens from working regular jobs or going to college or joining the military. Some high school age children see people getting rich by having fun and posting online, they may feel like college is some far fetched dream that will take up too much of their free time. Everyone wants instant success and short cuts to fame and fortune. As we move more into the digital world where everything (almost everything) is online within our fingers reach. This is where everyone spends their time, it would make sense to make some money and avoid commuting to work and filling out a bunch of job applications that probably will never call back anyway. However, we must realize and teach our children that everyone is not going to gain instant success and become a big name money making online personality. 

    Going to college, starting a business, or working a regular 9 to 5 job is still something to look forward to and more realistic. We still need doctors, nurses, lawyers, bus drivers, teachers, and retail workers. These jobs may not be for everyone, but neither is going viral and getting rich from a podcast. College is still something to thrive for. It's a place to network, find identity and figure out what you want to to do for the rest of your live. College is about finding long lasting friendships, building lifelong bonds and get prepared for the world outside of our parents nest.

With the high cost of living, just about everyone is looking for a second income or a way to work less and make more money while having more time to play and party. 

Large plus size women should never lower their standards to get a date or long term spouse

                         

I would advise any plus size woman not to lower her standards to attract a spouse or get a date. Men are speaking out negatively against plus size women and telling plus size women to stop being picky and get whatever man they can get or they will end up lonely without a companion. Women are being shamed into dating a man not on her financial or education level.  If she does not want to date a low wage worker or a man with a criminal record, that is her choice and she should not be shamed because of her weight. It is not easy to land a spouse at any size, so why are plus size women being told to lower stands and accept any man regardless of them not being compatible. 

The people that are encouraging overweight women to settle for a man with no resources are usually people that suffer from fat phobia and think large women are beneath them. These are the type of people that think larger people (especially women) are less than human and should be treated as an underclass. I recently read a post on a social media site where a woman stated that fat women are likely to be mistreated by men because fat women suffer from low self esteem and accept any type of treatment. This comment was made due to fat phobia and people believing that large women hate themselves and accept any type of treatment. These types of people believe they are better than large women and that large women should be mistreated. This poster never said that men are wrong for mistreating large women, but her post was basically saying that men are entitled to treat women poorly based on size. This is why I often tell plus size women to be very selective and cautious about who they date because some men actually believe overweight women are beneath them and should be treated like a second class citizen. They believe in using larger women for sex and other perks while not being seen with her in public due to their fat phobia.

Women with low self esteem are not limited to overweight women. Self esteem is not only about your outside looks or weight. Self esteem is developed by how you view yourself as a whole. A woman can build her self esteem by accomplishing goals, having a supportive family, having an education, owning a business, taking care of her mental health ect. I can go on and on about self esteem, but I must say that self esteem is not all about what a person looks like. I believe people that suffer from fat phobia have a weird obsession with overweight women and want overweight people to have low self esteem so it will fit their narrative that overweight people are beneath them.

Thin women, can have low self esteem, but that does not mean they should be treated less than. Women that look like fashion models, instagram models, or regular average women can have low self esteem. My point is no human should be treated in a demeaning manner based on their looks, disabilities, or social class. I have seen too many disrespectful posts about plus size women coming from men and women. Referring to large women as Big Shirley, linebackers, and other degrading names have allowed people that suffer from fat phobia to bond together and use large women as a verbal punching bag. Why? I'll tell you why. These people are similar to children in elementary school that performed low and made terrible grades, so they tried to make a mockery of the children that were excelling in classes by calling them nerds or teachers pet. They feel good when they are degrading someone because they see larger people as less than them and easy targets. Many have been taught it is okay to laugh and mock plus size people. These are people that are lacking in areas of their life, but instead of fixing their own problems and insecurities they use their fat phobic jokes and name calling as a coping method. 

I have seen posts of thin people speaking on how large women should feel about themselves or how they view themselves. How can a person that does not live in a large body tell large people how they are supposed to feel about themselves? Large women that feel bad about their appearance, usually feel that way because of discrimination, being mocked by fat phobic people and images put in the media to ridicule plus size people.

Encouraging women to date men out of desperation is dangerous because that is a set up for failure as well as mental abuse. If a man does not want to date a woman because of her size, that is fine, however the mocking, bodyhaming, using large women as a verbal punching bag is never ok.

Social Media influencers with cult like followers claiming to be femininity coaches and passport brothers

 As social media becomes more popular and addictive, more people online gravitate to social media influencers for dating advice, decorating tips, celebrity gossip, and marriage problems. Many influencers grow an audience that behaves like a small cult after hearing the influencers opinions on trending subjects. People began to follow these influencers and hang on to their every word of advice and rely on them to make decisions for them. Even if we enjoy influencers topics and their input on subjects, we must use logic, and take every word with a grain of salt we hear online. 

For instance, we have groups like the passport brothers that encourage their followers to avoid  women in America  (especially black women) and seek submissive women in 3rd world countries overseas. Many of these men are hurt, scorned, and bitter after dating women that would not submit to their needs or wouldn't put their goals and dreams on hold to cater their fragile egos. Many of these men have narcissistic personality traits and are willing to travel out of the country to meet women that will treat them like a delicacy and obey them as if they are royalty. These men believe that going overseas to date or marry women is more convenient because women here in the States have higher standards, are too educated and too independent. So they encourage men to travel for dating and sexual escapades because women here in the states are not desperate enough. These men want women to compete for them by telling us we will end up lonely and die alone. This is a scare tactic that these influencers are using on women to get them to "behave" in a way that makes men feel honored and needed

We also have femininity coaches and woman dating coaches that gain a following then start giving out advice based on what they think their followers want to hear and what is going to keep getting them likes and views for monetary gain. These are women telling other women they should be submissive to men, cater to men, and feminize themselves and soften their behavior to impress men. This thinking is backwards and harmful to women. It is harmful because women are being told to change who they are to land a man. Why should a successful woman with a great career have to downplay her education and qualities to land a man. Why should a woman downplay being a homeowner or a frequent traveler because it will make her look too independent for a man.  As women, we should not be told how to submit in ways that make us lessen our own values and beliefs. We should know how to respect, love, and support our spouses without having to play a submissive role when we were not raised to be submissive. As grown women, we should not have to mute ourselves or change our character to make a man feel comfortable while suppressing our thoughts and ideas. This is what these particular influencers are pushing.

These type of influencers are usually not educated coaches and counselors. I do not hear them speaking of having psychology degrees or an education in family/marriage counseling from an accredited school. Many of these women are not married, never have been married but believe they have the secret recipe on how to get a man and keep him happy. These are usually women seeking attention by discipling other women in the presence of men to gain lies. They help men build their self esteem while taunting women are criticising them by saying we are not worthy unless we submit and live as women did in the early 1900s. 

I have no advice on how to get or keep a man. I do not believe there is some quick packaging that can be sold to land a man. Even with advice, every man is different and we all connect with people for different unique reasons. We cannot keep allowing influencers to plant seeds in our heads that make us question our beliefs or true values that we should stand on.

Men using body shaming tactics to demean plus size women after rejection

 Recently, while browsing social media, I read a post from a random guy that made a mockery of a  woman's weight. The random  man made a post about large women being too picky in mates when their options are so limited. He body shammed the woman because she wasn't interested in him after a few dates. She declined him intimacy. He ridiculed the woman because of her weight, but actually he was ridiculing her because she didn't entertain his sexual advances. He was making fun of her, not only because she was an overweight woman, but because he felt like she was obligated to entertain his sexual advances. 

Any woman or man regardless of size or body type should not feel obligated to sleep with anyone or entertain anyone because they are obese. I have witnessed several men make disgusting comments about overweight women because the woman didn't give them her number or entertain any type of intimate advances. Usually when a man is rejected,  his ego is deflated and he is embarrassed. The next thing to do is salvage his ego by retaliating on the woman by demeaning her for whatever he sees as a flaw. For overweight women, the flaw they see is weight, but this is after they've been rejected. While the guy is flirting and trying to court the woman, he may say things such as "You are so beautiful" or "I love plus size women" "I only date large women" or my favorite line "All of my exes were big". These are usually gift of gab pick up lines to make the woman feel that he genuinely admires large women.

This is actually pretty common with men everyday and on social media. If they cannot get any attention in the direct messages, these men will resort to name calling and body shamming. This is usually what a man with low self esteem and narcissistic personality traits has to do when he feels rejected. He has to immediately retaliate with childish name calling like a bratty toddler that can have the last cookie. That same man could have just been giving out compliments prior, but as soon as he feels rejected, he goes into retaliation mode. These same men will accuse large women of having insecurity issues simply because they are declining any advances. Large women and men have feelings like anyone of any other size and should be treated with dignity. A large woman does not have to sleep with a random man regardless of how nice he plays, how much money he has, or how good he believes he look. All women have the right to decline any man, no matter what she looks like, her income status, or her education level. A person is allowed to pick who they see fit as a spouse to be their mate. Even if they have to wait years, they are adults and can choose whatever kind of mate they want. Even if their standards seem unrealistic, they still have every right to have standards. This includes large people. Large women are not the welcome wagon for any lonely/horny man that thinks a fat woman is easy access for sex. No woman should be viewed as such. I really hope large, plus size, overweight, obese, chubby, chunky, plumper women (however you choose to describe your beautiful plus size body) should not feel obligated to entertain any man because she is overweight.

Why Serial Daters and Players get played by smart experienced women

 Many men are constantly on the hunt for new women to conquer as prey. Usually for sex, to use as a trophy piece or to impress friend/colleagues. Many would consider these men players, womanizers, or serial daters. These types of men see women as objects to be used and disposed. They see women as objects and not humans with emotions, feelings. and personal needs. They see women as objects to be used for sex, to fulfill a mental void,  or for momentarily ego stroking. 

With men being so open online all over social media about how they view women, women have gotten the memo. We have gotten the memo and have learned how to play the same dating games that men play. Not because we are in a competition with men, but because we refuse to be on the short end of the stick when it comes to dating. We are no longer falling for the "I'm going through a messy divorce" or "I'd rather just come hang out at your house" or "I'm just looking to meet new people, but nothin serious". Smart women do not fall victim to love bombing, gas lighting, and narcissistic men that are only out for ego stroking and doses of romance to get them through their loneliness.  Yes, smart women have made mistakes in dating and even got their hopes up to high with the wrong men, however smart women have learned how to watch for red flags. These red flags can be anger issues, narcissist personality traits, and men that look to demean women and use us as sex objects. Smart women know how to enjoy the first few dates, have fun, live in the moment, then move on. Women are no longer being tricked and manipulated into situationships that have no meaning. These situationships are usually a man treating a woman to a few dates, sending "good morning beautiful texts", then pressuring her for casual sex but no real friendship, commitment or plans for a future. These types of serial daters feel as if women are obligated to sleep with them because they have shown a small amount of interest. Men will lie while trying to use the gift of gab to corner a woman into his bedroom. They usually use love bombing, money, or intimidation to lure women into their web. By intimidation, they may tell a woman she must have low self esteem if she is not interested in sex. Or they will tell a woman that men have more opportunities in the dating world to make a woman feel like she has no other alternatives to find a mate. 

Smart women with experience know how to maneuver through love bombing serial daters. Smart women only date for causal intimacy, dinners, company, and social engagement. Smart women know how to get more out of the situationship without getting used or hurt. Women have learned from past experiences and now navigate through the messy dating world much differently in their mid life than they did in their 20's and 30's.  Unless a woman is looking to marry soon, she should be more focused on her career, education, having fun, bonding with close friends, traveling, and exploring new hobbies. If a guy is only out for self pleasure while dated, he should be ghosted immediately. Losing sleep and having emotional setbacks because some womanizing serial dater wants to find a new toy is so outdated.

Intimate Friends or Friends with benefits is a waste of time for women

We all have heard the saying "Friends with Benefits" or "Intimate Friends". These terms describe relationships where there is no commitment or responsibilities for either parties involved.  These situations usually start out as casual fun and sex between two people in lust. Eventually feelings develop or anticipation of a fulltime relationship may seem like a goal. These type of relationships should not last for long and should be treated as temporary flings. Some women find themselves thinking the guy is their actual friend they can call when they have emergencies or when they find themselves in trouble. The truth is, most women will find out that "Friends with Benefits" is only a cute term for two people that are sleeping together without the responsibilities of being in a real relationship. Men take advantage of these type of situations by leading a woman to think she will be his  girlfriend or if she keeps giving up her body he will eventually develop feelings and commit. This is all a game and the guy is usually sleeping with multiple women while lying and manipulating them all. Or he has a fulltime girlfriend/wife he is cheating on, so he would rather keep things casual.  He cannot commit and he is really in love with himself. He is in love with having his needs met by more than one woman.

If you cannot call a man for food, money, a ride, or just to vent, he is not your friend. If you cannot hang out with him without sex being involved, then he is not a friend. If he treat you like a burden after sex, he is not a friend. "Friends with Benefits" or "Intimate Friends" is just a cute terms that means two people have sex with no commitment. 

More women are relying on sex toys to get them through the nation's crisis

For women being home alone, or with children there are not many outlets for stress, boredom or depression. Not knowing what is in store for the economy can cause many to panic. For many women they are turning to sex toys to take the place of loneliness. Not being able to go on dates, attend events with friends or go out for retail therapy can take it's toll on most women. Many are ordering sex toys from vibrators, dildos, to anal beads to achieve orgasms. This is a great stress reliever and can be done at anytime during the day. Being home without the company of a spouse, friends, or family members can make life more stressful. Women are taking this time to have relax and have orgasms. The release of an orgasm can put the body at ease and make it easier to relax and relieve tension.
Having a partner is not an option for some. Finding someone online can be harmful with the coronavirus being spread rapidly. Also, a partner can be more stressful during this time because some single men are only looking for housing and food until the crisis is over.

Take your mind off the CoronaVirus to preserve Your Mental Health

People are stressed and exhausted while driving all over trying to find food, cleaning supplies, and tissue. People with children are worried about feeding their little ones and keeping them occupied while they are out of school. We must also think about our mental health and how to stay calm during this crisis. I know families are anxious, depressed, scared, overwhelmed with fear of what is happening and what it means for our future. The thought of our country going into another recession has people up all night ruminating.

No need to panic, but we should be safe, cautious, and make sure we stay in doors as much as we can. We must continuously wash our hands and cover our coughs while outdoors. Even inside, make sure to limit visitors and use bleach and lysol to clean. If you do not have either, use hot water and a soap mixture to clean door handles, light switches, remotes, laptops and countertops.
We should be concerned especially those of us that have children and the elderly that have weakened immune systems. Our stores are being cleaned out because people are in panic mode and assuming stores we all have to survive without new merchandise for the next weeks or months. We must have faith and be optimistic about the turnout of this crisis. Try not to worry to the point you are constantly in fear of getting sick.

Ways to relax and take your mind off the CoronaVirus while indoors

Turn off the TV and Social Media. Turn the news off. It will worry you and over exaggerate things

Do some cleaning around the house. Rearrange the kitchen cabinets, book cases, or bathrooms

Read those books and magazine you've have sitting around.

Call friends and have a real conversation. Talk about highschool, fun times, romance, or future plans.

Watch a funny movie or a comedy show.

Watch cartoons with the kids. Have fun to take their mind off the chaos.

Draw or color some pictures.

Do a crossword puzzle.

Meditate. Do some deep breathing exercises to relax.

Do a fitness routine. Find some on youtube.

Turn up some music and dance. Burn some calories.

Take a long warm bubble bath with candles. Use a good smelly shower gel or bath bombs.

Write a handwritten note to someone, even if they never read it.

Women feel happier and Liberated after Divorce

When I see headlines of a celebrity couple getting a divorce, or someone announces on social media they are separating, I never feel sad. I feel as if the relationship took it's toll , became unbearable and something had to give. Separation and divorce is the start to a new beginning. For any two people to separate means the relationship became a burden filled with unhappiness. Whatever caused the separation whether cheating, money problems, abuse, or substance abuse, it is always best to withdraw from a relationship that is draining the happiness out of us.

Some women will stay in a relationship because of security, children, social pressure, or the image of being in a relationship. Women have been pressured to always have a man or to be on the hunt for one. Society has placed pressure on women to the point some of us feel unfulfilled if a man is not involved in our lives.

I have seen a new group of women in this generation that are happier after divorce. Women are no longer walking in shame after divorce. Divorce is a new beginning to a new life. You do not need a husband to travel, accomplish goals, feel loved, or fit into social norms. No woman should stay in a marriage because she wants to create a certain image to make others feel comfortable. Staying in an unhealthy marriage is depressing as well as toxic. Women are learning this and leaving their cheating spouses and abusive lovers to find peace and self love. Divorce means starting all over for a newly divorced woman, but it doesn't mean pain and bitterness. It's a time to celebrate while leaving the baggage and pain behind.

Goals and Mental Awareness Check for the New Decade 2020

New year New Decade. Everyone has set goals and have new things they are starting for the New Year. Weight Loss, going back to school, buying new furniture or taking a new class.
Do not forget about things such as mental health improvement. Let's set goals for things that really affect our mental health such as cutting off negative toxic people that weigh us down. Let's get out of any relationship that doesn't bring us happiness and peace. Let's stop procrastinating to the point it make our life messy, cluttered, and leaves us worried and stressed at the last minute. For example, doing school work at the last minute or laundry at the last minute will cause stress and clutter in our lives. Time to declutter our rooms, work areas, kitchens and purses. Let's get organized.

Coping with Holiday and Seasonal Depression

When most people think of Holidays such as Christmas and Easter, we tend to think of families getting together to exchange gifts, have potlucks, and traveling to see loved ones. We think of Holiday music and lots of Holiday cheer, but to a person suffering from depression the Holiday season can be triggering. Especially for depressed people that have no family or friends to celebrate with. Imagine a person that have lost their parents, or grew up in foster care without a permanent home and family. Imagine the pain and sadness that people are feeling.
For example, there are mothers suffering from depression that cannot purchase gifts and Christmas decorations for their family. There is a lot of pressure for parents to buy new gifts and new clothes for their little ones. Some of us cannot afford to because of financial reasons.
We know Christmas is for giving to others, but children do not understand the concept, they only know they should be getting new gifts. Even when we explain things to children it may be hard for them to fully understand and accept the true meaning of giving and being compassionate for others.

Even for people that do not normally suffer from depression, the Holidays can bring on anxiety and sadness. The highways are over crowded with travelers and stores are full of long lines. It can be a overwhelming for a person to endure. In addition, we are expected to shop for others or participate in gift pulls at work which can be costly.

Here are some tips on coping with Holiday and Seasonal Depression

1. Don't feel obligated to max out credit cards and clean out your bank account on material items. Whether it's for family, coworkers, or friends. Have a budget and stick to it. If you cannot afford to purchase expensive items, do not purchase expensive items.

2. You do not have to be alone for the holidays. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter or go to church. You can google toy drives, food giveaways and Church functions that need extra helpers.

3.You may have lost family members through death or family is too far away. Contact them online if they are too far to visit. Get grief counseling if you are still mourning the loss of a loved one. Some churches and nonprofit organizations have it for free.

4. Make your house festive at a low price. Get decorations at Dollar Stores and thrift shops. Or, buy some artificial plants and pictures to make your home colorful.

5. Use this time to complete goals, whether it's to start a new business, get a gym membership, or start a new class. Use the holiday season to work on goals and self improvement. Write down future plans and goals. You do not have to wait until January 1st to start a New years Resolution.

Childless women need to stop invading Discussions for mothers

Too many parenting discussions have been invaded by childless women making derogatory comments and meddling in our safe space. Mothers should have a safe space to talk about problems and issues as well as give and get advice from other mothers. 

Facebook, blogs, and twitter have had many discussions about the issues that surround parenting. Everything is discussed from child support, child care, postpartum depression, to co-parenting with an ex. In many groups, we always have a handful of childless women chime in to brag about how they were super responsible with birth control, or how they refuse to have children until they are in the perfect situation. Child less women will come bragging about how they are able to travel, get 5 degrees, and how they have so much free time to relax because they don't have children.
I have no problems or hate towards women that choose not to have children. I actually commend them for waiting and doing what's best for themselves. My issue is childless women that love to come into groups for mothers, or getting into discussions and ridicule and shame mothers. Or brag about how they got an abortion because they are so much more responsible.

Recently, there was a mother on a popular blog sharing her story of how she had regrets about becoming a mother. She was open and honest about how she felt. She was obviously tired and overwhelmed. Many mothers have had regrets about becoming a mother, for whatever reasons. We as mothers should be able to share our feelings and express ourselves without having childless women bust in our safe space and ridicule us or boast about how they are doing so much better.
There have also been childless women making jokes about single mothers and expressing how they hate children. Yes, HATE!  If you are not a mother and don't plan on having children, why come into a discussion for mothers and make the discussion about YOU? Mothers, should be able to vent and share information with other mothers. We all have issues, regrets, and problems with parenting, even if we are married and have a strong support system. Most mothers go through trials that make us wonder if we should have become a mother. Mothers usually get over this as their children get older and they find peace as a mother. This is natural and we should be able to express ourselves in peace, without childless women coming to police us or point fingers at us. We go through enough that childless women would never imagine or understand.

If you chose to not have children or abort, or put your child up for adoption, feel free to do so.I applaud women for not having children. It's your right, it's your choice. No shame from me, but also respect mothers and allow them to vent. It reminds me of light skin women that invade safe spaces for darker women. Or slim women that cry out for attention when large women are venting.
If you want to brag about being a childless woman, go brag and boast with other childless women. Do not come into a parent group or a discussion for mothers. Many childless women are not even bragging, they are venting and meddling. It's almost like a hobby for childless women to pop into a discussion for mothers to whine about something or brag about how their birth control never failed them. We respect your decision to not become a parent, so please respect our safe space and allow us to have discussions in peace.

Plus Size Discrimination and Body Shamming (Part 1)

Plus size Discrimination and body shamming is not something that only happens on social media or with celebrities. Many people do not understand or care to point out body shamming if it is not happening to them. Although skinny/slim people have had complaints about being teased in elementary school for being skinny or being called Slim Jim; I am not talking about those issues. Im upset about large women not getting hired because the company fears that a large woman will intimidate clients or bring down the company image. I am upset with public places not accommodating larger people. Im upset when large people, including children are cyber bullied online and in school.

When a large person is sick or have any issues with their health, the problem is usually blamed on their weight. I've been to the doctor for flu symptoms or a pap smear and and more attention was put on my weight. I've know large women that went to the doctor for back pain from a car accident, or a slip and fall and the doctor grilled them about their weight, but didn't really show compassion to the original reason they were there.

I have seen women post a beautiful picture to show off a new dress or a new hair style, and people will make derogatory comments about the woman's weight. They would pretend they were concerned with her health, as if slim people don't have any health concerns. That is another pet-peeve of mine, people pretending to be so appalled when a larger person post pictures and they try to disguise their fat phobia by saying they are concerned with the person's health.
I would rather a person just say "Im not use to seeing a big woman get that much positive attention and it bothers me" or "She's very big, I wish I was as confident as she is". I get tired of the fake outrage. The fake outrage is other people being so upset and pretending to be so offended when a beautiful large woman post a sexy picture. Or a larger woman posting a beautiful dress or showing herself out having fun. Oh, let's not forget when a large woman post herself with a spouse, and people question why the man is with the large woman. I could go on and on.

Single Mothers Bitter.....Or Just Fed Up with Disappointment

Single mothers are expected to endure everything while working, raising children, and holding down the house. People don't seem to care because they view single mothers as irresponsible or stupid for not picking the perfect man. Nobody goes out and chose a deadbeat on purpose. Nobody goes out and deliberately chose a man that is unworthy unless they are suffering from mental health problems. "You picked the wrong man, you had children too young, you put yourself in this situation", is a constant reminder from people that think they are in positions to discipline single mothers.

Many times, the mother never had positive examples of what a father is suppose to be. In many urban communities, the father is absent or he is in the home abusing the mother mentally and physically. Another example is a working father that comes homes and isolates himself from his family. Maybe he's too tired to engage and would rather watch sports and hide in a man cave. It's hard to understand what a man is suppose to do and how a real man is suppose to act if you haven't seen many positive examples in your childhood.

I take full responsible and hold myself accountable, but this should not be an excuse for a man to not be responsible.
We have to endure a lot of public backlash and humiliation. This is what most people do, instead of holding both parents responsibility. Like the old chant when I was a kid "boys do the dirty work, girls take the blame"

When you label a mother as bitter, especially a single mother, you must ask yourself..... Is she really bitter, or just serious and not playing games with her her life and the life of her offspring? Is she really bitter or has she learned from prior mishaps and mistakes. Is she really bitter, or is she more focused. Is she bitter, or is she holding men accountable for not being responsible men.

Too Depressed To Date

Sometimes depression rules over our life, which include are social life and love life. When living with depression, we may not feel good about our self or have the energy to meet and mingle with new people. Even when we are approached with potential dating mates, we tend to push them to the back of the line. Usually because we look at dating or hanging out with new people as a chore. We have to plan dates, get dressed, groom ourselves and travel to destinations just to meet up. That is too much work and effort for a depressed person. A fun night for a depressed person is reading, listening to music or binge watching NetFlix all night.

Dating takes us our of our comfort zone. When depressed, we usually want to stay home and be isolated. We don't want to text back and forth or get dressed up for a night at the movies. In addition, we already see failure in a person. We already anticipate the relationship not working in our favor. Depression will make you self sabotage or judge a situation before it even gets started. Depression will make us doubt the person we are dating and questions their intentions. So instead of dating and taking a chance, depression will tell you to get rid of the person and ignore every text or call. This is our way of preserving our time, heart and feelings. Instead of hanging out and enjoying a fling or finding a new spouse, our depression will sometimes not allow us to get pass the dating phase. Hard to find true love when your depression eats up all of your energy.

For parents dealing with bullying at school

Bullying is something that many children will have to deal with, whether in elementary school or during their later years. Parents must get active as soon as their children come home complaining about bullying. We as parents cannot just expect the problem to go away or expect the school to resolve issues.

Many bullies are going through things at home and use bullying to get attention and to get out their own anger and rage. Some bullies live in a household full of violence and they believe the best way to handle a problem is to fight physically. Some bullies do not physically fight, but they use intimidation methods such as threatening others and taunting. They will even encourage other children to help them intimidate a child.
Some do it because of jealousy. For example, I've heard of children getting bullied because they were straight A students and other children were envious of their success and the praise they got. Some children will bully others because they are having trouble keeping up with school work. Their way to mask their academic problems is to bully and lash out at other children.

Parents should immediately make the teachers and administrators aware that there is bullying going on in the school. Do not let the problems escalate without talking to staff members and have them document the information. Talk to the staff and let them know what your are concerned about. Come to the school and visit the classrooms and get acquainted with the other children. Arrange a parent conference and get the other parents involved. Child will continue to bully if they think they can get away with it. Do not sweep the problem under the rug. Call the school district speak with supervisors, other administrators or the superintendent. Get restraining orders if the child is causing problems outside of the school. Advocate for your child/children. Do not allow your child to be bullied while getting their education. Bullying has a negative effect on a child's mental health.

Why do women feel obligated to forgive our abusers

I came across something on Facebook that really made me angry to the point that I had to respond several times. It was a woman that was shot five times by her brother, which left her without an eye. Her brother was facing 45 years in prison, but the victim went to court and spoke up for her brother. Yes, this woman went to jail and spoke to the judge. Her brother got a lesser sentence. The man that nearly killed her and left her permanently damaged didn't have to do the 45 years that he was initially  facing. Her reason for forgiving her brother was that he was drunk. She doesn't believe that he would have shot her if he wasn't under the influence of a substance.

What bothers me about this whole situation is that women feel obligated to forgive men so easy. Especially black woman. This is rooted in religion. Black women are taught at a young age to forgive no matter what. No matter what a man does, we are taught to forgive and endure whatever pain was inflicted on us. Far too many women were taught to endure mental and physical pain caused by men. Our brothers, spouses, and fathers.We have been told to forgive and forget no matter how bad the abuse is, and no matter how it leaves us physically and mentally damaged.

This woman is left without an eye, and people are saying that her story is inspirational because she forgave her brother. Why is forgiveness always benefiting the person that caused harm? This young woman, like most woman, are taught to excuse the bad behavior of men, especially men in our families. This is not an inspirational story, this is a tragic story.